Comments on: Getting Your Spouse to Clean Up After HIMself

By: Austin

Austin — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 23:27:34 +0000

I don’t understand why us men are always referred to as neanderthals, when in actuality there are just as many intelligent men out there as there are women. Also, many of these “tricks” won’t work as they are just annoyances that will make everyone in the family angry. One thing that might work though, is talking to him and telling him how great he is when he cleans up after himself. Also mention that he is better than most husbands, in that, he is one of the few that actually does these things. Men crave power and want to be better than everyone else, so this should work, unless he has no ambitions or leadership qualities. If that is the case then you are out of luck.

By: Rachel

Rachel — Mon, 19 Mar 2012 07:01:18 +0000

Oh my god! I never knew so many women go through the same thing that I do EVERYDAY! My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have been living together for almost three years (we got together in high school). He works and I stay home with our 16 month old daughter. I do all of the regular cleaning (dishes, laundry, vacuum, sweep, mop, clean bathrooms etc), but what really ticks me off is him leaving his stuff EVERYWHERE! He will leave his trash, dishes, dirty clothes, and shoes laying around! I don’t mind cleaning the house but when he gets home from work it is a disaster again! If I even ask him to pick up after himself he complains about how I nag and that is the only thing I ever ask him to do besides change or feed our daughter while I am cooking, etc., but he also complains about doing that!

By: Jess

Jess — Fri, 16 Mar 2012 11:45:15 +0000

Well, this all makes interesting reading!
We’re in the position where we own our own business and my OH works outside of the house most days. I do all the accounts/admin., etc, and look after our girls during the days. As I’m at home, the house is my job, but I would love it if he would put his stuff away. Things can sit in the dining room for weeks if I don’t move them. I gave up a long time ago. He doesn’t see his fishing rods sitting in the corner as ‘mess’: they’re propped up, out of the way, what’s the problem? And actually I’ve ended up agreeing. I’d love it if he’d put them away, but it’s not worth getting bitter over! He’ll clean up the kitchen, wipe the tables and generally pick up in the evening once the girls are in bed (we take a room each) and if one night he doesn’t feel like it, I just get on with it, knowing one night this week he’ll send me off for a bath while he does it. It’s all about sharing. He wouldn’t consider cleaning the bathroom/windows/floors, but that’s not because he’s lazy or considers it my work, it just wouldn’t cross his mind to do it. And guess what? I still love him like crazy, and that’s just fine by me.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 17:45:33 +0000

I have a live in boyfriend. He has been living with me for three years with his teenaged son and three dogs while his house is being remodeled.

I do most everything in the house. He does his and his son’s laundry and sometimes cooks. He also does the dishes. He will also do major repairs like replacing outlets or faucets. But I have to put a disclaimer on these things: they’re only done when he wants and if he wants. He decides to wait for months, then so be it. I better shut up. He will not be told when to do something.

I have to pick up his clothes and put them in his dirty basket; I have to clean up after his dogs and son. He refuses to bathe the dogs. In the seven years I have been with him, he hasn’t bathed them once. If I don’t do it, the stink so bad, or have poop stuck to their rear ends. They are inside dogs and I can’t just throw them outside. He just doesn’t care.

Trying any of the above wont work. He could care less if he went months without any of it. He’s very bull-headed and no one can force him to do anything.

I work 40-50 hours a week, go to school full time and still have to clean the whole house and do all the yard work and my car maintenance.

He claims he can’t wait to get back to his house ASAP to not have to hear my constant nagging, but who the heck is going to take care of all of the above I have listed? It won’t be me! But he claims he’s looking forward to doing it all himself again…well why can’t you do some of it now?

He’s always mad at me for something. Usually because I’ve gotten upset with him about the work so he’ll just turn it around on me.

I’m so frustrated!

By: Tina

Tina — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 00:04:54 +0000

All the guys who say, “That would get you kicked out of my house!” Well, what happens when it’s MY house and I make more money than you AND I clean up after you? Then what? Should I kick you out?

By: In defense of men

In defense of men — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 21:45:33 +0000

My wife demonstrated to me another “what not to do”. She came right out and told me that my opinions and thoughts are not wanted or valued and she doesn’t want to hear them.

So, ask yourself, in any relationship, if you were told this, would you feel like doing anything for that person?

By: Kevin

Kevin — Wed, 07 Mar 2012 11:33:21 +0000

Oh my god. I clean the house, do the laundry, cook the meals, do the shopping, take the kids to and from school, and give my wife foot rubs five days a week. All I’d like is a little sex out of the deal and I barely get any. Should I play hardball, too? “No sex, no clean?”

By: In defense of men

In defense of men — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 04:06:58 +0000

I can’t speak for all men, but I can speak for myself.

If I was just respected and appreciated, I would be infinitely willing to do more. It is when I’m being belittled, put down, or emasculated that I say, “screw it”. Why put effort into something for someone who doesn’t care enough about me to treat me with respect or appreciation?

I need to feel valued. I need that far more than even sex or affection.

Let me know you appreciate me and what I do, and I will want to do more (i.e., I want to hear more about what you appreciate about me).

If you resort to underhanded manipulation, that is exactly how I will feel: manipulated. When I feel manipulated I feel unappreciated, like I don’t have any value for you, that you don’t respect me, etc., and I will be LESS likely to do things for you because of that.

Something to think about…

By: rachel

rachel — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 03:56:15 +0000

Yes,
Get rid of excess possessions, appliances, clothing, pets,movies, music, books, linens, and furniture.

Sell them if you must.

I didn’t clean up after my roommate and I won’t for my husband. People assume the wife or girlfriend must clean, or that the person that is home all day must clean. Most stay at home spouses will clean up after themselves, and logically clean up after the person’s stuff that’s in the same area that they are cleaning. Not because they are designated to but because it is easier to get around when the path is clear. We as a society have become consumerists. The economy is not great.

I used to be into my house looking decorated, had custom-made curtains and duvets.

Now I want functionality.

What I have learned the hard way is, cleaner and organized is more beautiful and functional than any McMansion with nick-nacs, mini statues, framed art, and two tall bookcases (with books on topics you can Google and fiction that you should just check out from library). Tons of fancy little appliances that you barely use. Expired makeup, and a gazillion bottles of perfume that have carcinogens and formaldehyde. Make it more simple on yourself. If you can’t manage things after that, then just tell your spouse its unmanageable. It ruined my sex life being busy all the time with all our pointless belongings. The upkeep, the storage, and every move was harder to pack. I told my husband, my anxiety was making my life miserable. I wanted a house that was functional, and a garden. When I gave away all my makeup, perfumes, fancy shoes that hurt, the little black dresses that were too big (or to small), all my books, and decor, — HE MUST HAVE REALIZED his stuff was next, and also that it must have really made me miserable, to go so far as giving away my prized possessions. He pitied me and began picking up his clothes, and hanging up the clean ones. He has his own bathroom, and keeps it the same as when I purged it.

Now I’m allowed the luxury of being a sexual being again, instead of his “mother”. Its really hard to get “in the mood” when your husband lives like your teenage son. I also mentioned there was no way in hell I would bear him children, when I have a 30 yr old child now.

He didn’t need to clean everything, just his clothes, and laundry-related tasks.
You’d be surprised how much that helps.

By: B. D.

B. D. — Sat, 03 Mar 2012 06:54:17 +0000

To the people who say, “you do the cleaning and cooking and mending, and he does the yard work and hard stuff, so just keep your mouth shut and do the cleaning”… I’d like to say this. Say you have a couple, and one of them (we’ll say “she”, though it doesn’t have to be a woman) cleans, cooks, and mends, and the other (we’ll say “he”, but it doesn’t have to be a man) does yard work and various household repairs. So, she does the cleaning, but he’s leaving his socks and underwear everywhere, and dripping pee on the bathroom floor. You may say, “cleaning’s her job, so she should just clean it up!” But it’s NOT about who does what job; it’s about RESPECT! Picking up after himself is respecting that she has a job to do and shows that he appreciates it. NOT picking up is making her job harder and showing disrespect. And if he’s the one who mows the lawn, she shouldn’t make it harder for him by, say, storing her stuff near the lawnmower so it’s in the way. Or if he’s the one who has to clear out the sink when it clogs, she’s careful to always use the strainer and not wash hair or food bits down the drain. It’s a simple matter of respect: I respect you, I respect that you do this job which is useful to us both, so I won’t make it harder for you. Doesn’t that make sense? Oh, and by the way, anyone between toddler-hood and senility should be cleaning up his or her own pee (and other bodily fluids and excretions), period.