Comments on: How to Wash a Rabid Monkey http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/ How to clean anything and everything! Sun, 22 Jan 2012 00:15:38 +0000 hourly 1 By: MonkeyBite http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-64536 MonkeyBite Fri, 18 Feb 2011 16:35:05 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-64536 I have found that while it is important to keep your monkey clean, the best remedy for an out of control monkey is to spank it. Most monkeys seem to respond well to a good spanking. Post-spanking, they are much more docile, often limp even, and you should not have to repeat for at least a few hours to a few days at most. You may feel tired afterward and possibly hungry, but the work is well worth it in the end. I have found that while it is important to keep your monkey clean, the best remedy for an out of control monkey is to spank it. Most monkeys seem to respond well to a good spanking. Post-spanking, they are much more docile, often limp even, and you should not have to repeat for at least a few hours to a few days at most. You may feel tired afterward and possibly hungry, but the work is well worth it in the end.

]]> By: Mrs. B. http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-64306 Mrs. B. Mon, 10 Jan 2011 19:30:12 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-64306 I stumbled across your article and have to thank you for this life-changing information! All this time I'd been I've been discarding my monkeys once they became frothy thinking that they were un-savable. Now I can use this much greener alternative to filling the landfills with monkeys! Truly...genius. I stumbled across your article and have to thank you for this life-changing information! All this time I’d been I’ve been discarding my monkeys once they became frothy thinking that they were un-savable. Now I can use this much greener alternative to filling the landfills with monkeys!

Truly…genius.

]]> By: Manster http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-64298 Manster Sun, 09 Jan 2011 20:00:00 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-64298 I just threw mine in the washing machine with a load of athletic socks, no gloves needed, unfortunately now I have a load of rabid sock-monkeys. I guess I should have used bleach. I just threw mine in the washing machine with a load of athletic socks, no gloves needed, unfortunately now I have a load of rabid sock-monkeys. I guess I should have used bleach.

]]> By: Phil http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-64224 Phil Sun, 02 Jan 2011 16:02:01 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-64224 What a crazy message. Anyone who would sell or give away a rabid monkey is sick. Meanwhile, It is hard to believe this un-joke rated so many positive comments. What a crazy message. Anyone who would sell or give away a rabid monkey is sick. Meanwhile, It is hard to believe this un-joke rated so many positive comments.

]]> By: Benign http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-63956 Benign Wed, 10 Nov 2010 07:22:42 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-63956 This is ridiculously entertaining. It has me screaming with laughter and tear filled eyes. I have got to pass this on to my depressed friends. Maybe also send it to some psychiatric hospitals where it will send the catatonic patients into peals of laughter. This is ridiculously entertaining. It has me screaming with laughter and tear filled eyes. I have got to pass this on to my depressed friends. Maybe also send it to some psychiatric hospitals where it will send the catatonic patients into peals of laughter.

]]> By: Kris http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-63028 Kris Sun, 25 Jul 2010 20:13:24 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-63028 I'm coming in very late in the conversation but any intelligent person can tell that the article is a joke even before reading it! It was intended for a laugh and for most of us with common sense, that's what it got. Obviously the people that should be chastised, if anyone is going to be ridiculed, it should be those that own monkeys. I’m coming in very late in the conversation but any intelligent person can tell that the article is a joke even before reading it! It was intended for a laugh and for most of us with common sense, that’s what it got.

Obviously the people that should be chastised, if anyone is going to be ridiculed, it should be those that own monkeys.

]]> By: Goob http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-52600 Goob Wed, 19 May 2010 14:51:29 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-52600 How does one wash a rabbit-monkey? You know, the kind from crazy DNA experiments? Mine keeps hopping away laughing at me with those crazy monkey eyes and cottontail. If my rabbit-monkey suddenly comes down with a case of the rabies, do these instructions still apply? Or should I try to find specific "how to wash a rabid rabbit monkey" instructions? I would imagine the ears are a bit tricky. How does one wash a rabbit-monkey? You know, the kind from crazy DNA experiments? Mine keeps hopping away laughing at me with those crazy monkey eyes and cottontail. If my rabbit-monkey suddenly comes down with a case of the rabies, do these instructions still apply? Or should I try to find specific “how to wash a rabid rabbit monkey” instructions? I would imagine the ears are a bit tricky.

]]> By: Jester http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-52158 Jester Mon, 17 May 2010 07:21:23 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-52158 Use the alternate dishwasher method but only if you can adjust the water temperature as cooked monkey is illegal in this country. Don't allow dishwasher to dry as the heat is to intense; let monkey dry itself with the hairdryer as that will be more stylish. Use the alternate dishwasher method but only if you can adjust the water temperature as cooked monkey is illegal in this country. Don’t allow dishwasher to dry as the heat is to intense; let monkey dry itself with the hairdryer as that will be more stylish.

]]> By: Lilmookie http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-52157 Lilmookie Mon, 17 May 2010 07:12:17 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-52157 Thank you SO much for this guide. Like so many before me, I desired the perfect pet and ordered a monkey online. No sooner did it arrive than did I see rabies. Man! Rabies were *everywhere*. My mother could hear the monkey screams from the basement, and the little bastard could bite! It was worse than the time the llama bit my sister, but I digress... I emailed the guy who sold me the monkey and he was adamant, "No refunds!" (I should have read the fine print...) It seems many people (wiser than me) were refusing to repurchase a twice loved monkey, until I saw your excellent guide to monkey washing. It is so hard to find the right kind of monkey washing guide. Mostly it's just links to horrific porn sites, or some cheesy click-n-spam site leading to the nearest “Rabid Monkey” generic knockoff shampoo (RB may cost a little more, but it really works wonders on the feces/dry froth coating on the fur) Anyway, the monkey washing went off without a hitch! I received over twenty-five emails from prospective buyers just BEGGING me to touch my monkey. They love it, and I do too! Thank you “Rabid Monkey” shampoo, and thank goodness for this guide! 5 stars all the way!! Thank you SO much for this guide. Like so many before me, I desired the perfect pet and ordered a monkey online. No sooner did it arrive than did I see rabies. Man! Rabies were *everywhere*. My mother could hear the monkey screams from the basement, and the little bastard could bite! It was worse than the time the llama bit my sister, but I digress… I emailed the guy who sold me the monkey and he was adamant, “No refunds!” (I should have read the fine print…) It seems many people (wiser than me) were refusing to repurchase a twice loved monkey, until I saw your excellent guide to monkey washing.

It is so hard to find the right kind of monkey washing guide. Mostly it’s just links to horrific porn sites, or some cheesy click-n-spam site leading to the nearest “Rabid Monkey” generic knockoff shampoo (RB may cost a little more, but it really works wonders on the feces/dry froth coating on the fur) Anyway, the monkey washing went off without a hitch! I received over twenty-five emails from prospective buyers just BEGGING me to touch my monkey. They love it, and I do too!

Thank you “Rabid Monkey” shampoo, and thank goodness for this guide! 5 stars all the way!!

]]> By: Monkey http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-52135 Monkey Mon, 17 May 2010 03:21:32 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-52135 I didn't the directions very helpful. These days in order to be competitive you really need to wash your rabid monkeys a dozen at a time. I didn’t the directions very helpful. These days in order to be competitive you really need to wash your rabid monkeys a dozen at a time.

]]> By: Athena http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-48926 Athena Mon, 26 Apr 2010 01:42:51 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-48926 I have a hypoallergenic hairless rabid monkey, and in my efforts to bathe him as suggested I found that he does not stick to the velcro board. Does anyone have any suggestions to remedy this situation? I have a hypoallergenic hairless rabid monkey, and in my efforts to bathe him as suggested I found that he does not stick to the velcro board. Does anyone have any suggestions to remedy this situation?

]]> By: Tory http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-40970 Tory Wed, 03 Mar 2010 06:53:09 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-40970 This method has also worked wonders for me with my dirty hippy/hitchhiking/conspiracy theorist room mate. When he first came to live with me I had to hit him with a toaster, string him up outside and hose him down. This does not go over well with the neighbors. After the first "rabid monkey" trial not only did the smell improve in my home but using sedatives had a remarkable side effect. He was quiet for HOURS! Not one peep about the government watching our every move or how Bill Gates... well we don't need to go there. Anyway, thanks so much for all your help. I hope there are many others who will gain from your knowledge as I did. And um Eileen you kinda suck and obviously had problems as a child. This method has also worked wonders for me with my dirty hippy/hitchhiking/conspiracy theorist room mate. When he first came to live with me I had to hit him with a toaster, string him up outside and hose him down. This does not go over well with the neighbors. After the first “rabid monkey” trial not only did the smell improve in my home but using sedatives had a remarkable side effect. He was quiet for HOURS! Not one peep about the government watching our every move or how Bill Gates… well we don’t need to go there.

Anyway, thanks so much for all your help. I hope there are many others who will gain from your knowledge as I did. And um Eileen you kinda suck and obviously had problems as a child.

]]> By: Paula http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-38216 Paula Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:01:27 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-38216 My rabid monkey is all clean now. That foot thing did freak me out and I now have a large bite mark on my right hand. It's okay, though, I've gotten a rabies shot so I'm safe. ;) I will also follow the suggestion of the person who thought to put them in the washing machine. What setting should I use, though? My rabid monkey is all clean now. That foot thing did freak me out and I now have a large bite mark on my right hand. It’s okay, though, I’ve gotten a rabies shot so I’m safe. ;)

I will also follow the suggestion of the person who thought to put them in the washing machine. What setting should I use, though?

]]> By: Plop http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-37832 Plop Mon, 01 Feb 2010 06:53:39 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-37832 Wow thanks so much, my rabid monkey is in a zoo now somewhere in Uzbekistan! I'm so thankful that this worked... Eileen, I think is just jealous because it didn't work for her and she got her fingers bitten off because she's too dumb! :P Wow thanks so much, my rabid monkey is in a zoo now somewhere in Uzbekistan! I’m so thankful that this worked…

Eileen, I think is just jealous because it didn’t work for her and she got her fingers bitten off because she’s too dumb! :P

]]> By: N http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-11278 N Mon, 16 Mar 2009 06:32:47 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-11278 Great tips! I was looking for a way to remove red Kool-aid from carpet, as I had given up hope on finding a method of cleaning my rabid monkey! As a bonus, I can now polish my turds. Great tips! I was looking for a way to remove red Kool-aid from carpet, as I had given up hope on finding a method of cleaning my rabid monkey! As a bonus, I can now polish my turds.

]]> By: Greg from Hawaii, a bit frazzled http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-10509 Greg from Hawaii, a bit frazzled Thu, 26 Feb 2009 00:52:01 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-10509 Thank god I found this site. I was wondering why some rabid monkey's seem clean and smell fresh. You get a monkey and it passes the sniff test but later my god the frothing and behavior. It makes you want to consider a different type of animal. I know that person wrote early on that there have been almost no cases of rabid monkey's but how many politicians do you see going to jail? Using a pole brush and warning your neighbors of the noise to come are good starters. I would think a shot would be available for the monkey. I know they have a series of shots for humans. In Hawaii we have never had a documented case of rabies in anything. And no stripper is allowed to give a lap dance and that never happens either. Anyway I'm glad to see some of you getting help for washing all types of rabid animals. I could not stress the importance of not doing any of this alone or unarmed. If the little bugger gets loose or comes at your privates, I suggest taking him down, with "extreme prejudice". That is not a racial term by the way but a term the CIA uses for capping someone. For those that don't read books you can see it used in the movie "Apocalypse Now" Well a pleasant day to you all and happy hunting. Monkey fir does not make a good bath rug by the way. If any of you are out Hawaii way do drop a line. Greg Thank god I found this site.

I was wondering why some rabid monkey’s seem clean and smell fresh. You get a monkey and it passes the sniff test but later my god the frothing and behavior.

It makes you want to consider a different type of animal. I know that person wrote early on that there have been almost no cases of rabid monkey’s but how many politicians do you see going to jail?

Using a pole brush and warning your neighbors of the noise to come are good starters. I would think a shot would be
available for the monkey. I know they have a series of shots for humans. In Hawaii we have never had a documented case of rabies in anything. And no stripper is allowed to give a lap dance and that never happens either. Anyway I’m glad to see some of you getting help for washing all types of rabid animals.

I could not stress the importance of not doing any of this alone or unarmed. If the little bugger gets loose or comes at your privates, I suggest taking him down, with “extreme prejudice”. That is not a racial term by the way but a term the CIA uses
for capping someone. For those that don’t read books you can see it used in the movie “Apocalypse Now”

Well a pleasant day to you all and happy hunting. Monkey fir does not make a good bath rug by the way. If any of you are out Hawaii way do drop a line.

Greg

]]> By: Animal Trainer http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-8411 Animal Trainer Tue, 30 Dec 2008 15:22:14 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-8411 I take my rabid monkeys (someone wrote "rabbit"?) to the field with a banana. A 20 gauge works great and the vultures will clean the carcass. Problem solved. This tip could be filed under "recycling" also. I take my rabid monkeys (someone wrote “rabbit”?) to the field with a banana. A 20 gauge works great and the vultures will clean the carcass. Problem solved. This tip could be filed under “recycling” also.

]]> By: R http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-8032 R Tue, 16 Dec 2008 08:13:53 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-8032 Eileen, Next time you insert your tamp, make sure it it is vertical, with the string hanging out. Inserting it sideways will only numb your sense of humor. Eileen,

Next time you insert your tamp, make sure it it is vertical, with the string hanging out. Inserting it sideways will only numb your sense of humor.

]]> By: Jackie http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-6416 Jackie Sat, 08 Nov 2008 00:09:00 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-6416 I'm so glad to have found this web page. One would think 'How to Clean A Rabid Monkey' would be readily available... but it's not!! I’m so glad to have found this web page. One would think ‘How to Clean A Rabid Monkey’ would be readily available… but it’s not!!

]]> By: Sophie http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/how-to-wash-a-rabid-monkey/#comment-4970 Sophie Thu, 02 Oct 2008 04:51:28 +0000 http://www.howtocleanstuff.net/?p=556#comment-4970 This tip was very useful, and I highly suggest for anyone reading this to check out the "polishing turds" article as well. there is nothing like seeing your pride and joy of the colon on your fireplace mantel. Thanks howtocleanstuff.net :) This tip was very useful, and I highly suggest for anyone reading this to check out the “polishing turds” article as well. there is nothing like seeing your pride and joy of the colon on your fireplace mantel. Thanks howtocleanstuff.net :)

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