I’m sure some perfect Suburban princess will take a glance at this and say, “Just ask him nicely.” But, c’mon, you know you’ve tried it and it didn’t work. That’s why we’re here. Your man doesn’t listen. Chances are he was wishing you came with a mute button by your second date. Screw being nice, if you want the man in your life to clean up after himself, you need to play hardball. Here’s how.
Table of Contents:
Disclaimer: This guide is satirical.
Understand the Enemy
The first thing you have to know to get your man to clean up after himself, is Man. Man needs three basic things to function happily and understanding these things will put you at an advantage. Need #1, (and I will add that the order isn’t going to be the same for every guy,) sex. Need #2, food. Need #3, AVEM or Audio-Visual Escape Mechanism such as television, video games, golf, etc. Don’t fool yourself by thinking that money and power is on his list of necessities. Guys want money and power to attract sex, and to buy food and toys. If getting needs met was cheap and easy, all men would be on your couch in dirty underwear, eating cereal and playing video games while you kneel before him waiting for his command to worship him in whatever way he saw fit. I think the only reason why men shower is because they enjoy having company from time to time; so, you see how much leverage you actually have?
The Tools
Now that you know more about your man, you need your tools for dealing with this knowledge. We can’t beat them into submission, the human rights people would be all over us; and not too many of us have the upper body strength to carry out the task anyway. We can’t drug them or implant some sort of device into their frontal lobes, the human rights people and the police would team up to lock us away. We have to use what the good Lord blessed us with, incredible intelligence, and carefully craft the right plan. We have to barter, threat, and withhold. These tools are better than the phone books police use to interrogate their suspects without leaving a mark.
The Strategy
So now you know what you’re dealing with and you know what tools to work with. Here’s how you put it all together.
Sex
If the only reason you stay with your man is for him to open jars, kill spiders, and uh, reach that little itch that needs to be scratched; this section may not be for you. But for everyone else, you can use your tools on your man’s need for sex to get him to clean up his act. So, what is he doing? Dropping his dirty socks and boxers on the floor…right next to the empty hamper? You can barter with him. You can say, “Honey, if you’ll just pick up after yourself, I’ll do that thing you like me to do without it being your birthday.” Of course, you realize that if he does his part, you must do yours. So, be careful at what you’re offering. On one hand, you want to show him that you’re willing to do something you don’t like to do if he’ll do the same. On the other hand, you can just pick up his socks and be able to look yourself in the mirror the next day.
If the bartering doesn’t work, you’ll have to threat. “So help me, if you don’t start putting your clothes in the hamper, you’ll be a missionary man for the rest of your natural life!” If he can’t add some variety to his way of life, i.e. cleaning up after himself instead of making you do it, don’t give him variety in his sex life.
There is the possibility that he still won’t do his share in the relationship. You have to withhold sex. I know that makes it a little difficult on you sometimes. If he isn’t rolling off of you and into a deep slumber, you may have to talk to him until he goes to sleep every night. And you may have to take some matters into your own, uh, hands. But, hey, he isn’t helping out. He has to pay the price.
Food
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach for a reason, use it to get him to make your way to the bathroom mirror. You’re tired of having to throw all of your weight on the door to get in because his towel has somehow gotten wedged beneath. And then when you get in, you have to wonder how he could get toothpaste EVERYWHERE. Let’s not even talk about the toilet seat. So you barter, “Sweetheart, if you could just wipe out the sink in the morning, I’ll have a big breakfast waiting for you.” As with the sex, you’ll have to have that breakfast ready and waiting as promised. If you aren’t that great of a cook, this section may not be for you.
If you leave him at the table to inhale all the bacon and eggs and still have to fight your way into the bathroom, you need to pull the plate away. Threaten him, “that was your last mouthful of bacon ever, if you don’t go in there and clean up your mess.” He’ll look at you like you pulled a knife on him, but he’ll get up and do his duty because he’s still hungry.
Now, if your man is so stupid that he says he’ll get something on his way to work and leaves you hanging with his dirty dishes AND the messy bathroom. You’ve got to follow through with your threat and withhold the bacon. Cook every grease-popping piece and find someone to feed it to: the pet dog, the homeless man at the intersection, your co-workers. Just don’t let him eat it. You can go as far as to make yourself meals, clean up your own dishes, and leave him at the table with fork and knife in hand wondering why you’ve turned off the lights in the kitchen without bringing him dinner first. Or, you could scrape off all of the toothpaste he left and put it on his plate. “I told you, no more bacon!”
AVEM (Audio-Visual Escape Mechanism)
Did he dump his jacket, keys, and whatever else just where you asked him not to when he came home? Barter. “Why don’t you hang up your jacket and put your keys on the hook and we’ll watch what you want to watch tonight?” Just know that you may be watching monster trucks crush school buses for two hours.
You may have to threaten. “If you can’t help out around here, I’m going to take the remote control away! We both know you’ll never stand up to turn the channel!”
If that doesn’t work, withhold. You watch him drop his stuff and then you get his attention, “Hey! What did I tell you?” Pull the flowers out of the nearest vase and put the remote control in the water right before his very eyes. Then grab a book and sit down in his favorite chair to read.
Other suggestions
Sometimes, you can make a simple statement that doesn’t border on bartering, threatening, or withholding. They’re suggestive statements that can be effective if you think quickly and execute them properly.
If the dishes are piled up and he’s giving you the “Babe, do you wanna?” look, you sigh and say, “I just hope I’ll have the energy to rock your world after I wash all of these dishes.” He’ll offer to rinse.
For the timeless question, “What’s for dinner?” You can respond, “Who has time to cook? I’m trying to clean this pig sty!” He’ll compromise with picking some things up for a tray of store-bought lasagna that should be done baking by the time you’re done cleaning.
When he can’t find the remote control, just suggest, “I don’t know, dear, maybe it’s underneath all of your stuff there on the couch.” It isn’t a definite, but he might put something away for some quality TV time.
If all else fails, you can kick him out and start fresh with someone else.
{ 40 comments… read them below or add one }
As for the clothes on the bedroom floor; if its on the floor then it is still in the guys control and he’ll re-wear it until he’s decided its dirty enough to be washed. Whats the point in throwing it in the hamper so it can be rewashed constantly until your new favorite shirt looks like its 5 years old.
If he makes a mess in the bathroom then get two bathrooms or hire a maid. How many people do you know that go into the toilet room to admire it’s beauty? If no one is coming over whats the point in expending twice as much time/energy to clean it as it does to dirty it.
And as for the bacon, f*ck you. Touch my bacon and you can go back to live at your Moms.
If you can’t him to help, I say let him take care of his own clothes as far as washing them, when he runs out of clothes I’m sure he’ll get the picture.
If he leaves his clothes on the floor don’t pick them up. Maybe he will realize how bad he really is if it’s left there for him to see instead of you picking them up.
One thing I did once was get a hotel for 3 days. Didn’t tell him where the kids and I were going either. He was so happy to see me that he started helping. I think he knew I was trying to teach him a lesson because the house was spotless when We got home.
I totally disagree with the whole withholding strategy. It only causes more stress on the relationship. You have to communicate. (Possibly saying the same thing 15 different ways until he can relate.) When they truly understand why something affects you in a certain way, it helps them remeber to not do it.
witholding sex is a dangerous game, if results are slow in coming when witholding sex consider a different strategy before he starts banging that trannie at work or your sister.
leaving his messes until he realizes or cares can result in you living in a messy house that will drive you crazier than cleaning if your man is just a pig
if bartering and the above dont work you can engage in full out defensive warfare. Best to start subtle and proceed cautiously, depending on your mans level of vindictiveness you may consider hiding or otherwise safeguarding your favorite stuff until things at home have de-escalated. The best tactics often are the most subtle, finesse and a good poker face will help ensure he doubts your deliberateness enough to attack back.
start doing things that dont bother you but will drive him nuts
depending on your personal tastes, listening to “chic music” like streisand or tori amos at top volume in the other room while he’s trying to enjoy other activities like the game, can be very effective. i enjoy putting the television on lifetime when he isnt home before turning it off and hiding the remote “i’m sorry hun what did you say? you cant find the remote? hmmm….. im sure i saw it today when i was cleaning up your socks, i must have accidentally left it somewhere” send him on a wild goosechase checking cabinets where cleaning supplies are stored or in the laundry room. hide it in different places related to his messiness and dont forget to switch it up on him occasionally stick it in your purse and simply find it yourself later when he isnt looking then tell him it was in the couch the whole time. put on lifetime before he gets home and then cleverly hide the remote on top of the tv
wash his favorite old t shirt “accidentally” with your new red thong, cause pink is so manly! do his laundry so badly he starts taking over to ensure his crap isnt destroyed is a very viable strategy. alternatively you could kidnap or throw away the clothes he refuses to pick up. if he does leave his clothes lying around to “keep them in play” as suggested above you could spray them with bad perfume or agree upon an out of the way chair or something where he can put his “to be worn again” clothes.
take any cash for yourself thats left in his dirty clothes and buy yerself somethin special or use the money to pay for a maid.
wear out the battieries on all his wireless game controllers while he’s out, accidentally reset his homepage to sites with content that bugs him that you might actually look at. hide things he needs that he leaves lying around, tell him you didn’t see it when u were picking up. i enjoy hiding my husbands car keys, the key rack by the door is hysterically ALWAYS the last place he looks. If your husband wont grocery shop with you start buying tofu bacon or low fat and low sodium items he’ll hate and tell him you’re concerned about his cholesterol. throw away or delete some porn whenever he fails to clean the sink or take out the trash.
the possibilities are endless. Use your imagination and have fun finding inventive new ways to torture him continually until you can use these as a bartering point i’ll stop if you’ll stop or if he’s less dense he gets the idea and stops doing the stuff himself at which time you can curtail the offending behavior. Now if i could only think of some good ideas to get him to clean the hair outta the sink.
Something I found that works to get him to help clean up a bit is to very gently say,”could you do my job?” answer, “no”. Then, “wouldn’t you like some help if it were yours?” answer “yes” . “Then get your a** up and do something constructive please!!”
I guess you all live with men that are pushovers. The best thing to do it to just outright tell him. The withholding is NOT a good idea. All us men know how to play the GAME and we are really good at it. Don’t think we are just barbarian natured. We haven’t run this world since time began for nothing. Best advice I could give you would be try out the video game he plays, watch the tv show he watches, set aside time for cleaning the house once a week. I promise this will make a better life for both of you. STOP playing these bu****it games!!! They are stupid, we know what you are doing from the beginning and it just pisses us off. So we play your little game and most times it gets taken to far. Think about that before using these tips.
Are all these “tips” on here supposed to be a joke? This is not communication: it is cruelty.
These little “tricks” outlined by Meme would be the quickest way to getting her kicked out of my house. Most of the other “advice” is childish and a good way to begin divorce proceedings. (Or just make him want to beat you and hide the body…)
What happened between the time you “loved” this guy enough to move in with him and now seem hate every little thing about him. While HE is out working ALL DAY at a job he likely hates why should he have to come HOME to this ABUSE? I hope there are no children watching this soap-opera behavior going on. How old are you fourteen?
I LOVE how the men are responding with such violent tendancies to the postings that the women are leaving. I think all of this is so dead on it is hilarious.
The only reason the men are mad because it is so true. They can only think of themselves and can’t gather that someone else may want a little time for themselves.
I hope that Rick really thinks that we love our jobs so much. That we then look forward to our day ending to clean up after him. But don’t forget about the kids and the bills that magically get taken care of. OH where did that magic wand come from.
I think the only reason women get themselves in these situation in the first place is that. You don’t tell your man your expectations in the first place. You make dinner everyday, have sex whenever he wants, wash his clothes and say that okay honey I’ll do it. Then you get tired of doing it all the time and have a man who think your going to do it all, because you have been.
I am a man. You can save a couple years and a lot of legal fees by just getting your divorce as soon as you start having this mentality, before you get worse. And withhold sex and felatio if you want your guy to have an affair or hire a woman who aims to please. About 65% of married men in the USA cheat. Want to push your guy there?
Really, try to out-do him with kindness. Love him unselfishly the very best you can. If you are lucky he will respond in kind. A dog will respond, good for good. Some people do to. If he does, you can have a nice life, with or without socks on the floor. Your happiness is 95% what you choose to think about. You choose one: escalate to evil, selfishness, competition, war, zero sum game. Or escalate to kindness, tolerence, and love.
My wife says I am the sweetest man she ever met. She is serious. I treat her with love, everyday, in almost all ways. She is mostly the same toward me, but sometimes only gives back 1/2 what I give. That’s OK! The human mind is self-centered, so if I think I do twice the nice things she does, in real truth maybe we are even. And there is no great virtue in even, except if your in middle school. Give all you can, be content with 1/3 back. But if I had a wife like the original poster, I’d want to leave her.
My husband tends toward the sloppy side, and I blame his mom for pampering him. We had a HUGE conversation (read: fight) over the issue of helping out around the house. We came to the agreement that as long as I was not working outside of the house, everything in it became my domain, and he couldn’t complain how I did it, as long as it got done. When I got a job, the rules changed. We both do laundry, I cook, he cleans, or vice versa, and we both maintain our own personal spaces. All it takes is communication, and a deep understanding of where the other is coming from. I can guarantee that if you even start thinking about doing the “tips” up there, then you will be one lonely, bitter woman.
Help
I live with my boyfriend and I feel that I may have to break up with him, nothing I have tried has worked to get him to help out more. He just says he is too busy, which is hilarious because i work full time and go to school, and still have time to clean the house and do all the laundry. I just am at my wits end, I know if I move out I will still have to do all the chores myself but at least I wont have to clean up after him. Like the above post’s I think his mom overpampered him and I pity that woman who is stuck living with him forever. It is so sad too because I really do love him and he is a good man, but I cant and wont do it all. I am not his slave or maid and I tried to tell him how it hurts my feelings that he doesnt care how I feel but he just promises he will clean up after himself and then never does it. Just the most selfish person ever.
Lucky
I have straight up asked my boyfriend to clean up his mess but oh he “forgets” which is probably the same exact thing that Rick, Kane etc all use. I know you think that because you have such a “hard job” you have some kind of right to play video games, watching TV or jerk off for hours on end while we run around the house cleaning up after you. Here’s a news flash. I have a job too!! How would like to work all day at your job and then spend 2 hours of your “downtime” cleaning up after someone who “forgot”??? Give me a break. If we ask you, you forget. If we ask you more than once, we’re nagging. If we trick you, you kick us out of your house. If we withhold sex then you cheat on us. It’s a lose-lose for us. So basically you want us all just to shut-up and let you live the way you want. Go ahead then, let your dog pee all over your house and never clean it. Leave your pee in the toilet that you never wash until it overflows. Never wash your clothes or yourself or vacuum. Go ahead and leave all the lights on in your house and all the doors open. Let the stray cats just wander in and out as they please. When you run out of food because you “forgot” to go shopping and you haven’t slept in 4 days because you’ve been playing video games and haven’t eaten anything except KFC in two months and you have violent stomache cramps. DO NOT come crying to me!!!! We do these things because we want to live in a pleasant house and to make your life easier. We don’t do it because we are all selfish, *itches, who only want whats best for us. Maybe you guys are the ones who are being selfish.
Reading Is Fundamental
“Disclaimer: This guide is satirical.”
Seems most people didn’t get it. This is an article of what NOT to do. I think it’s in poor taste, personally. Maybe someone thinks it’s funny…
lazy
I have met some clean men, but I am with one that is unorganized and doesn’t clean up after himself, and if somehow I get him to do the laundry, he puts ALL types of clothes together in the washer (including towels with delicates). He won’t do it right (probably on purpose) so that I don’t ask him again..? When he does the dishes (because I asked ‘politely”) he never gets them all done (like come on..if the pans need scrubbed and you are going to soak them…and like always not come back to them….. be a man and use your stong arms to scrub!!) and he doesn’t clean and wipe down the sink and wipe out the drains! Let me say this: I am a stay at home mom, I go to college a few times a week….I do not complain much for him to help me clean because he works. I appricate him working so I will make him something to eat to take to work and do all the main cleaning (wipe the piss off around the bottom of the toilet kind of stuff). What I don’t like is the fact that he can actually LIVE in a dirty unorganized house and NOT care that it is dirty….that’s what gets me. He won’t pick up after himself and I compare that to “how would he feel if he is at work sweeping the floor and getting it all nice and clean and then suddently his boss comes behind him and spills something on the clean floor and doesn’t clean it up, almost like he just knows the dude sweeping will get to it….because it is his job” That is how I feel when I am at home cleaning the floors and mopping them and he comes home -stomp stomp (dirt from shoes falls on floor) “oh she’s got a broom in her hands, she’ll get it……COME ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And yes, the hamper thing really ticks me off. I have even asked him time and time again to not throw them on the floor I am not your mom, pick them up and put them in the frickin hamper that happens to be right by your side of the bed. I got him to not throw them on the floor, instead he throws them ON the hamper instead of opening the top and putting them in. FINE…atleast they are not on the floor, but hell……it’s like he is throwing it in my face that he will do whatever it takes not to listen to me…to spite me. I clean up after myself, my son, and him. he goes to work, brings home the money…….his job is finished. sure, he had an hour of a lunch break at work….me….maybe when the kid takes a nap….but my job NEVER ENDS….but atleast my job is in the comfort of my own home and not at a place where I may hate my boss and the other workers. [ may I add that before I got pregnant, I was working two jobs. found out I was pregnant and kept working BOTH jobs for a while. He was laid off and collecting unemployment. I was STILL picking up after him, So really it doesn't matter that I am now a stay at home mom because once upon a time I wasn't and he stayed at home and did NO cleaning whatsoever] BITE ON THAT.
ps: his fishing tackle boxes are completly clean and organized and he keeps his boat nice and swept……)oh do I want to re-arrange his lures so bad!!!!!
My guy is a slob!
It’s funny to hear the same thing I’m experiencing from other women – that their guy just wouldn’t notice the dirt anyway even if we stopped cleaning it; that no matter how disappointed or angry or sad we get about it, they just don’t give a crap. We can say how it’s frustrating us to the point of not wanting to live with them, yet they still refuse to take us seriously. It’s amazing how selfish this comes off, and guys, if you don’t mean for it to, look again, because we are the ones sacrificing our time and energy for the good of both of us; so we are being selfless and kind whereas you ignoring the situation is disrespectful and selfish. I hope this BS doesn’t ruin my own relationship; I’m at the end of my rope after 11 of my prime years of my life. I hope they don’t go to waste!
This post is a recipe for disaster
I think this post is ridiculous. I am a married woman with two kids. My husband doesn’t always clean up after himself, but I’m not perfect either. Sometimes I feel like I am doing all the giving. And if you talk to my husband, he will tell you that sometimes he feels like he is doing all the giving. We give and take. In reality, we do our best, shower each other with love, ask each other for help, and treat each other like the human beings we are. From women to women, I think several of you need to worry a little less of yourself and a little more of your man.
getting your spouse to clean up after themselves
I agree with Robert,My Dad cleaned up after himself, did housework, helped with kids,treated my mother with love and respect.He taught my brothers to respect their better halves and do their part, which they do.But my husband is nothing like them.He works,I work, but he does NO housework, or clean up after himself. He could trip on his dirty clothes on the floor,kick the empty dirty clothes basket, and swear at me. I collect up his dirty supper dishes and clean the kitchen when I get home from work at 11pm. while he asleep.So you ladies that state your man cleans up sometimes Consider yourselves loved.
Oh please!
This is one of the dumbest posts I’ve seen in a long time. You got the first two of the three “man needs” right. Sex, Food, and PRAISE!! Men, Children, Pets, and Women aren’t all that much different. We all want something that feels good, we all need food, and when we do a good job, we want someone to notice it.
Withholding sex is dumb. First of all, if you put it up there with a “need” and than withhold it, isn’t that considered abuse by 95% of the population? Besides, when my husband knows he doesn’t have to want in that area, he’s more than willing to help out around the house. I do the cooking, and he cleans up after dinner.
As a stay-at-home-mother, we’ve divided up the chores. Anything that would get done during the day while he’s at work is my job. Scrubbing bathing, laundry, and other such things, I do. Anything that gets done after diner when he’s home from work we split. He’ll do a general pick up in 4 out of the 8 rooms in our house.
If your man won’t help after you’ve talked to him in an adult way, then maybe it’s time to start looking for someone knew. Its as much about love and respect as anything else. And for some of you, you might want to look at what behaviors you do that annoy him. Because just as much as we can do things to annoy them to change their behavior, they can do the same thing. So maybe if you stop standing in front of the TV while he watches his game, he’ll pick up his shocks.
on consideration, love and cleaning
I am about to lose my mind! I totally agree with Ariette. My man should pick up after himself and not leave it for me to deal with just because it doesn’t bother him. C’mon! Just because it doesn’t bother him doesn’t mean it’s right to leave his mess everywhere! There is a household to keep running smoothly and if he lives there he should do his part and be respectful.
I am the one working and paying the bills and he only picks up side jobs here and there, and STILL he won’t do his part or even clean up his OWN mess!? That is just wrong! What do I look like a maid? That’s not love.
If you love someone you are considerate to them. You help with the cleaning because you love them and because you live there too. And if you are a caring husband or boyfriend, you even go out of your way once in a while and clean the house before your spouse gets home from work, to make the weight on their shoulders a little less heavy. BET SHE would return the caring and consideration 10 fold. And you tell them you appreciate them! Duh! It’s not that difficult. Love and be kind and considerate. If you don’t think that is fair, leave and be a lonely slob.
What pisses me off...
…is how many men are angry that their women are angry that they don’t pick up after themselves. This article was meant to be funny, and also meant to blow off steam. I have no problem doing the cooking and cleaning, what I do have a problem with is picking up after my husband. He is not the only one who works, and if I can put my own clothes away, remember to feed my pets, and get my own dishes in the dishwasher, then why doesn’t he have to do the same? Sex isn’t a right, and withholding it is certainly not abuse. But, if you would rather cheat on me than pick up after yourself, then walk your sorry ass out the door right now. Keeping a house together is a lot of work, and it doesn’t take much for it to fall apart, especially when certain occupants don’t do anything to help. I expect to pick up after my toddler and my dogs. If you want me to treat you like an adult human, you better act more responsibly than they do. Because at this point, you don’t, and worse than that, you defend your right to be a slob.
These aren’t “games.” They are our attempts to get through to the male psyche about what is important to us, because, in theory, if we are important to you then what is important to us is important to you as well. But more often than not we feel ignored, so we try to come up with creative ways to get our point across, because if you’re not neanderthal morons that means you’re willfully selfish. When we sit down and rationally explain our needs and wants to you, and you tell us too bad, you don’t want to help so you aren’t going to, that just shows that you’re an immature jerk. If you did what was necessary so our home wasn’t an embarrassment to have company into then we wouldn’t feel we need to resort to “games.” If you paid attention and cared enough about us to help, we wouldn’t feel the need to deprive you of sex. If you took pride in your home, then maybe we could take pride in you. Ultimately, you’re looking for a justification for being an ass, and as long as you convince yourself you’ve found it, you’ll always be a loser.
P.S.
I would really like to know what makes you think you deserve to eat my cooking and enjoy my clean house and have sex with me on my sweetly-smelling sheets when you aren’t willing to give me anything in return. What, exactly, do you contribute that you think is worth the time and effort I put in for your comfort after I get home from my job, like I want to do more work at home and don’t want a break? You disgust me.
Now Im Depressed
I thought my situation was unique and so I often dream of leaving my husband and finding a man who gave a shit. After reading these comments I’m starting to think I won’t find a man that is compatible with me. My daydreams are dashed and hope of living happily in a clean home are ruined.
Is he blind?
I really sympathize with all the hardworking women who have to clean up after their lazy boyfriends or husbands. What really blows my f$%^%$#@# lid off is that they only want to change when to tell them that you’re ready to move out! Here’s my situation…I met a man that appeared to be a neat freak. After moving in with him after a year of dating, he mis-represented who he was!
We’ve been living with one another for about five months, and everything I clean for him becomes a pile of sh&^%! I’ve had several talks with him regarding me needing a little more help around the house. Through one ear, out the other. Just last night I said if he doesn’t consistently shows interest in cleaning more, I’m going to move out! I hate that I had to throw this ultimatum in his face, but I saw an immediate change…I just don’t know if it will last this time. Before he met me, he didn’t care to line garbages with garbage bags (gross), Didn’t know how to tie up the garbage when it’s full, etc…I feel like I have to pull my hair out to get help…It is so incredibly frustrating, and because of this, I don’t even want to have sex with him!
He’s six years older than me, and acts like a juvenile…The attention that he needs is incredibly unbearable..He walks around the house showing off his butt and thinks it’s cute. Maybe in the beginning I thought it was, but guess what? I’m sick of being his maid, and feeling taken advantage of, he can prounce around butt naked and it doesn’t make me feel a thing!
I seriously dream of having a man that knows how to listen well, can be intuitve to cleaning responsibilities, hold a professional job and have a loyal heart and body.
I would cry and adore a man that can consistently show that type of love and committment…I am that woman that can shares the same.
What a sad article. I know it was meant to be funny, but I think many of the comments show why divorce is so prevalent in today’s society.
Yeah, my husband is sloppy. So am I. We really struggle with keeping the house clean. If I feel like the house is getting bad again, or I feel like I’m doing all the work, I sit down with him and we talk about it. I don’t just tell him “you need to help me clean”. That doesn’t really help. We make up a chore list (just like the kind you make for kids) and split them between us. Most chores we switch off every month or so, but there are a few that we prefer to others and so are permanent (he does dishes, I do laundry). We hold each other to account for completing our chores.
Aren’t we all adults here? Communication is the best tool you have, not withholding important things.
Psh...
this is from my experience: First of all, men dont care about living in filth. they prefer to wear dirty clothes and prefer to allow a mountain of trash build up next to them. Withholding sex does nothing since it’s not something they want anyways. Withholding food does nothing since he’d prefer to not have home cooked food as it makes too many dirty dishes. and trying to take away the video games will only get you beat up. the video games are the center of the universe, you dont touch those or interfere with his playing them. it’s our duty to work, take care of the house, and take care of them. it’s not fair to expect them to do anything. we’re lucky they tolerate us at all…
A plea from a man...
I have read all your comments with interest; however it’s my wife who is the problem – she has no idea how to put anything away. My quality of life is awful, I have a full time job and spend most of my weekend cleaning/tidying up. If I mention it she gets angry; WITH ME!!! I’ve threatened to leave her, put all the stuff she leaves out in the dustbin and lots of other stuff – nothing has any effect.
Oh, I see.
After reading the whole guide I was like “WHAT KIND OF A BEAST WOULD PUT A MAN THROUGH THIS?!” Then I read the comments below, then scrolled back up to realise “disclaimer” which was met with a resounding “Oh…”
STOP BEING LAZY
Why dont women realize you both have rolls to do around the house? My agreement is Ill do all the leaves, grass, garbage, high , heavy and hot work that you wont and couldnt do and you do all the house work where its nice and warm in the winter and cool in the summer? Id much rather do house work which really isnt that hard…i mean jesus christ you have washing machines, dish washers and microwaves….I enjoy cooking so ill do that to …but dont not come and bitch at me because there is some piss on the floor…its sterile …get over it and clean it up
What happen to common sense
If you dirty it CLEAN it, if you drop it PICK it up, If you empty in FILL it, If you open it CLOSE it. If you get it out PUT it away. These rules were drilled into us as kids. My husband never learned these, So I don’t help him,look for the crap anymore, and if he get too loud with me about not helping him look, I just go have coffee with a friend.
This is hilarious :)
You people argue over a satirical article and by doing so, rather unwillingly show the awfull truth. I feel for the women who have lazyass husbants and boyfriends (and im a man) and for the one guy lol. But instead of bitching about and muttering either talk to your man/woman and settle it or leave. I had the same scene with my girl – she was dumping all kind of shit into the sink when the trash bin was 20cm to her right. Drove me crazy. First 10.000 times i told her nicely, then i screamed a couple of times, then told her 5.000 times nicely again. Now – miraculously – she stoped doing it.
Now she drops her old pants onto my fresh underpants drawer X)
What i want to tell you is – you have it as you wanted it. If you dont confront and play games you’ll get one angry partner. And as a man – there is nothing i hate more than playing games with the person im living with.
Sry for the typos btw.
WOW
Okay, here’s the deal, get over it! If he’s not doing all the heavy, high, gross work, then yeah, you have the right to bitch, but the next time you’re running late for work and you’re car has already been cleared of the surprise snow from the the night before, you might want to think about the difference between picking up dirty socks and scraping a foot of snow off a car in 0 degree temperatures.
I cook, I clean and I pick up after him.
He takes out the garbage, scoops the cat box and changes it, he cleans up the yard after the dog stole a bean burrito, he cleans out the gutters, he fixes door knobs, leaky faucets, and anything else that needs to be fixed including my washer machine, he shovels the snow without complaint (our driveway is over 200 feet long), he mows the lawn, he washes the dog and takes the kids out after working for 12 hours because I need a break, he runs to the store for the forgotten ingredient in his least favorite dish, and he cleans up the hairballs the cats puke up.
Are their days I don’t like having to pick up after him and think that maybe he should do it himself? Sure, but then I remember what he does for me while working a full time manual labor job.
Stop and think about what he does do. You might be getting stone walled about cleaning because he doesn’t think you’re pulling your share and now you want him to pick up on that, too.
To Emma
Yes, I completely agree that there are men who do their part in helping home life run smoothly!!I have one! I think the majority of the women on here are talking about the men who do absolutely nothing. They don’t help…period. Not only that but when you try talking to them about it they will either act like they don’t care, turn up the TV loud enough so they can’t hear you or just plain tell you “I don’t care”. Either way, both me and my husband have found our own way of compromising to make things work. I make dinner and do dishes Monday to Thursday and he makes dinner and does dishes Friday, Saturday and Sunday. (Usually a yummy BBQ!) He helps with a lot of things nowadays and he’s becoming more of a neat freak than me. What also helped was buying a chalkboard! On it we write “This week” and “This month”. We also have a goal that we are working towards at the bottom like a vacation or a big screen TV. I’ll write one thing like “mow the lawn” in the “this week” section & do not talk to him about it. He knows its there and because its only one thing he never feels overwelmed…which is the main reason why guys don’t do things we ask. When they hear a giant list of crap they have to do they don’t bother. When they do the one thing you asked they want to feel like you appreciate it. So think twice the next time you rip your guy apart because he went to the grocery store and he got all the wrong things. He made a valiant effort and he did it for YOU. THANK HIM!! Anyways It’s obvious that most guys want to help in some way or another. I think they just look at things on task at a time.
Can't Agree. Here's why:
I’m a girl, and honestly, if I did the stuff in this article, I’m just asking to be bitter and alone. If a guy is sloppy, he is sloppy. He isn’t going to change for you because that’s the way he is. If you’re not ok with the socks on the floor, pick it up. If you don’t want to pick it up, then leave it there. He’ll get the hint and do it. Withhold sex and feed the dog his breakfast and he’ll go find someone else to have sex with and eat breakfast with. U need two hands to clap. Treat someone the way you would like to be treated. Punish a man like a child and you will be left alone for sure. If I was a guy, I would want to come home to a wife / gf who I can talk to and sleep with. Not someone who is going to nag me the whole day.
takes time
my hubby is very unclean and the dirty clothes could rot before they are cleaned. I made a chore list for the BOTH of us. 2-3 small tasks a day. (ex. him-dishes monday. her-vacuum monday) Its working, slowly. I might have to remind him everyday..but at least it gets done.
Here is a real lesson!!
I am a mother of 2 and 1 on the way. It kills me how my boyfriend does not clean up after himself also. All he does is work, and play the xbox all day. He never has time to pick his clothes up, where ever he takes them off they stay. if he pops tags off his clothes he will put the tags anywhere from on the couch to the floor. Here is what I do what ever trash he leaves on the floor, I put it in his closet! so if he has dirty jeans laying around the house, I mix them with his clean clothes as to boxers, socks everything I put it all in his closet. If he throws his clothes on the floor I throw them in his closet and they dont get washed. I mean in a sense I am still picking up after him, but he will get tired of picking trash out of his clothes. He has not fully got it, and I still get very frustrated! I just dont understand how someone can be so dirty in their own house. I dont even have to pick up after my 2 and 5 year olds. Yes he goes to work and I am on maternity leave but guess what we split the bills still!! so for all you men who want to yell he’s at work, we still split the bills! I cant stand it and I am getting to the point where its going to make us or break us, we are about to have another baby I can only imagine how dirty this situation is going to get! Men stop being so damn dirty and lazy this is a sign of immaturity and ignorance!
Frustrated!!!
As much as I love my boyfriend I find this the most frustrating thing about our relationship. I admit that I am not the world’s neatest person and I don’t need everything sparkling but I want to be able to have people over without being completely embarassed. We have had a couple “discussions” regarding cleaning and he makes the stupidest excuses – basically blaming me for his lack of cleaning, i.e. “The house was never clean enough to begin with” – huh?! We moved in at the same time so how does this make ANY sense? Either way I think deep down it’s viewed as women’s work and that’s why it’s always somehow my fault that he hasn’t cleaned. I work more hours than he does and do a little housework every night and several hours every Saturday when he’s at work. No “thank you” or even acknowledging that I did it – WTF??? The cherry on top is that when he does help me he always has little tips for me on how to better clean – which he knows totally pisses me off. Thanks for the tip Mr Clean – here’s my tip: get off your butt and help me!! I feel that this is really a dealbreaker. I am fine with contributing slightly more to the household, but not to this extreme. I am becoming resentful which is not a good sign.
Plus – I’m hotter!! (haha – sorry – couldn’t resist!)
Thanks for the article – It’s good to know other people feel the same and I found it funny(and the angry men responses even funnier!!)
WHAT THE HELL M.A.N
OMG! LOL I am so Happy that I ran into this sight…Just before I thought I was going to slit both my wrist….and ankles….
The guys comments were hilarious..(which is why we love’em) AND some of the women are dead on with expressing how us women really feel about slob ass men (Chelsey)..
It’s good to know that there are other couples going throgh the same thing with their “mates”. I am an open minded WOMAN…so I have read and taken all comments into thought..this post I don’t think was suppose to be for what it’s turned into which is funny, because judging by the comments maybe it should have been.
This link/post should be sent to MEN/woemn all over not saying that it would change anything… but maybe serve to both as an “eye opener” Or possibly give men a better understanding of
1.how we women feel
2.or why us women are never in the mood for sex ( and when we do it’s “boring” or taken as though we aren’t that intrested),
3.why we aren’t cooking and feeding them T.V dinners or Mc Donalds everynight,
4.or why it always seems like we are “bitchi*”, nagging, harrasing…about something…….
5. Why their clothes, remote controlls, and draws are missing, or thrown into a closet or into a breifcase..
Simply put…. filth/un-cleanliness to some MEN is really NOT that big of a deal…it’s just NOT IMPORTANT to them, they don’t care about getting, roches, or comapany seeing their dirty ass underwear lying around, and mold growing from plates…it dosen’t bother them…they don’t see cleaning as a responsiblity such as work..they see it more as being a chore.
WE (men and women) are different…we don’t care about the same things..what rocks their boat does NOTHING for us (sex, video games, ESPN etc) to us those things are a pure waist of time, childish, unproductive,we don’t care about that shi* ..
Us women obvisously know sex and video games ETC are important to men, but how many times/how often do we activley make an effort to pick up a controller or go all out..heals,long hair, poll etc..? Not many and we’re not!!!
IT’S NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO US!!! JUST AS CLEANING, PICKING UP BEHIND THEMSELVES IS NOT IMPORTANT TO A THEM!!!!
(not until they clean up first right? Thats what we all say if I had more time or energy to do those things I would but lets be honest…No the hell we wouldn’t…lol maybe every once in a while but on a daily basis…HELL NO not even if our men were cleaning behind themselves…
Because certain things are like “life and death” (drastically speaking) to US does not make “it” anymore important to the other person PERIOD. NO MATTER WHAT’S SAID OR DONE!!!
MEN don’t have the slightest clue of the effect filth/clutter/ and disorganizaion in the home has on us as women..
Like us Women don’t fully understand the effect lack of sex, or mental stimulation from video games etc have on Man..
BUT FOR ALL YOU MEN PLEASE READ:
Filth/Clutter and Disorganization in a HOME can be really “dangerous” to both you and her LOL ESPECIALLY IF YOUR WOAMN FEELS LIKE SHE IS DOING MAJORITY OF THE WORK TO KEEP THE PLACE CLEAN. and you aren’t helping but creating more of a mess.(BEING MORE OF A BURDEN)…..let me explain…
Us women are emotional creatures (CAN’T HELP IT..THAT’S HOW WE WERE MADE) and we tend to respond by how we feel…
All those things mentioned above about filth, clutter, uncleanliness etc..can and will eventually create irribility, frustration, Depression, mixed emotions/feelings, Anger, Hostility, STRESS AND MORE…all within your woman (sometimes all at once). This normally leads to her/us “ACTING OUT”..Read all the other womens comments and game tactics to find out what “acting out” is…
See my husband and I have been together 8 years have two children ages 3 and 2 and, and I too have a Triffling ass, lazy ass pig for a husband…who just never can seem to pick up after himself..I wont begin to tell yall his about his nasty ass, it’s like all he thinks he has to do is work..and like majority of the other women I WORK TOO FT…
Anyway I have tried all of the above and have only made things worse..created more sress and MIGRANES…
SO..I’ve found that all the game playing, asking, telling and attempting to compromise is NOT the final soulution but only serves as a bandaid for a period of time…..Eventually it wares off and you have to put a new one on….but in this case you would have to come up with another soulution..and I am sorry but I do not want to spend my days brainstorming on how to keep the damn house cleaned EVERY SIX MONTHS AT THE LONGEST.
What I did was this…I normally pay out all of the bills so I thought I knew where all of our was money going..I added up the money that we would spin on Mc.Donalds etc *uneccesory* things…It came up to almost $400.00 dollars a month..($14.28 a day, just from us buying lunch at work etc..) I couldn’t believe it…
I found a young teenager in the neighbor hood 13 years old (or if you have a relative i.e. niece etc) Spoke to her parents, told them I had my hands full and needed a little extra help around the house a couple days a week..got their approval
I put her to work on Wednesdays and Friday evenings after I got home from work and she was home from school.. and again on Sunday afternoons..for about 2 to 2 1/2 hours each day….She was paid $60 a week..(every Friday). She was paid to clean the main areas of the house i.e. Living room, the kitchen, spot clean the bathrooms, fold clothes, and vacum,
This took away a lot of the work..because of the days of the week I had her clean..It also relieved stress without putting us in any financial trouble..
Sad that it came to us paying someone to clean, but the truth of the matter is…I can not make him do anything and I got tired of trying..I was tired of the games working for about 3 weeks then back to the same ol tricks..face it..if he isn’t clean..then he’s not clean..
It is what it is
This is crazy
My fantastic partner is just like the others in the comments except that he screams at me that the house is dirty and says that I am disgusting. How can he have the nerve to say this when he NEVER cleans up after himself??? He is like 80% responsible for this mess. Honestly, I have no issue with cleaning up after our children, but I DO; however, have an issue with cleaning up after him. The kids’ mess takes me five minutes… put back toys, do their laundry, etc. But, HE will make himself all kinds of snacks and goodies and then leave spills all over the kitchen counter. If he cleaned them up right after he had made them, then it would not take me a half hour to scrub the counter the next day. Learn to scrape your own plate and put it in the dishwasher. Do not yell at me that you have no clean clothes when I am spending all of my time cleaning up after you. As far as his, “I have been doing a good job cleaning up after myself,” my response is… DO BETTER! I should not know at the end of the week EVERYTHING he has done… from what he wore, to what he ate, to what kinds of activities he did, video games he played, to what shoes he wore. . . the list goes on and on! If he were truly picking up after himself, than I wouldn’t know that he ate popcorn while drinking beer and playing Madden when I got home because his crap would be put away. His response is always that he was “too tired” to put it away… well, you were not “too tired” to take all the crap out. You are just LAZY. Honestly, our house keeps going from being trashed to ok, back to trashed… this can’t be a one “woman” job. I honestly have no issue with mopping the floors, cooking, etc… just pick up after yourself and help teach the kids to do the same, and we would all be much happier. I HONESTLY want to have more time to pamper him and give him special massages, but I am burnt… I take pride in being a good partner and mother, and I want to feel like a good wife (this has been my main dream in life), but I can’t even get to those things because I am stuck in this groundhog day nightmare. Sometimes I think he is no better than a monkey… without the capability of training himself to wipe his feet and put his shoes by the door, or taking the stuff out of his pockets before he throws his clothes next to the hamper. I just LOVE going through his insulation filled clothes to get all of the receipts and crap out before I throw his clothes in the laundry… and he wonders why he has no clean clothes. Maybe it has been the last five years of him leaving your socks right in front of the couch! What a complete jerk. . . I could train a dog better than I could train him. This is horrible.
@Vanessa: It sounds like you should speak to a marriage counselor. He *screams* at you?! You don’t say this, but it also sounds like he expects you to give him massages after having cleaned the entire house and been screamed at. You shouldn’t have to live with someone who treats you this badly.
@the others:
Also with a live-in boyfriend, dated for a 3 1/2 years, have lived with him for about 2 of those years. There are a lot of other chores he does, and I thank him when he does them, but two things:
1) He really hates seeing other people clean.
2) If he says he’ll do something, he doesn’t like someone taking care of it.
Now I wouldn’t mind 2), but he has a HUGE problem with dishes. He seems to hate doing dishes moreso than anything else in the apartment, to the point where they will attract flies. He waits so long I can hear him gag when he does the dishes. I wouldn’t mind doing them except that he says he’ll do them and there’s nothing less I like than being his surrogate mother. If I remind him, he says that he’s “tired but will do them”.
The thing is, I can’t stand to live near a health hazard. It’s slowly driving me crazy because no matter what I do, I lose.
I’m starting to think that most men do not know how to live in commonly shared spaces.