How to Wash a Rabid Monkey

Is this article for real?!?!? It is rediculous. First of all, a monkey with rabies WILL DIE just like us humans. Second, there has only been one case of a monkey with rabies in over 20 years which it contracted from a rabid dog that bit the monkey. SO breeders don’t sell monkeys with rabies, because primates in the pet sector DON’T carry it. If a monkey was to be infected and bit the person who was bathing it, that person would get rabies unless vaccinated and given post exposure prophylaxis (not sure spelling there). What person would risk their life for a measly $5,000? Third, I don’t think two sleeping pills would knock out even a squirrel monkey enough to bathe it, although it may kill the monkey defeating the entire purpose of bathing it to sell.

Now to bathe a pet monkey who is not accustomed to water can be held as the vets hold them so that they are not able to bite you and placed under a faucet under luke-warm water. No sedation is necessary. Larger monkeys who have been raised as pets and bathed since babies enjoy water and wouldn’t put up such a fight. If they do they can just be left in their outdoor enclosure and let nature do its job. Afterall in the wild monkeys don’t get baths.

I speak from experience owning 2 squirrel monkeys. This article just makes pet ownership sale of primates in such a false and negative light. It is a bunch of bull.

Thank you for the information it has been very helpful. My rabid monkey is clean as a whistle and is looking good. It did take a little time to locate the shampoo, I suggest that you maybe list some of the websites that carry it. I would have listed them, but it may be a problem, and it is your site and I would not want to get you in any trouble.

Once again thank, I am not too sure what the person is talking about on the first comment, she undoubtedly has been out in the world very much as rabid monkeys are more common than she thinks.

The velcro plank works wonders — I would never have thought of it myself. Thanks.

I suggest using chain mail gloves instead of rubber gloves since a rabbit monkey’s bite can probably go right through the rubber. You can probably find them online from a cutlery store.

I’ll have to keep this on my fridge since I come across rabbid monkeys all the time ;-P

The first post, by Eileen, is so typical of the Big Monkey Establishment trying to spread disinformation. Of course there are rabid monkeys being sold out there, lots of them. She herself is probably selling rabid monkeys and is just trying to convince people there is no “real” problem. She is no better than the oil companies with her lies and deceit in the face of a truly global crisis.

Incidentally Eileen, you got “prophylaxis” correct, it is “rediculous” you had a little trouble with.

Anyway, thanks for the article. I adapted it for use on my incontinent badger and it worked like a charm. Thanks again.

Elmo:
You are the one spreading disinformation. When was the last time a monkey had rabies in the UNITED STATES? You must really believe in urban legends.

It is more likely that you are going to get a dog with rabies than a monkey. Most breeders and states either REQUIRE or strongly encourage a certificate of health to be done prior to changing ownership.

I have a monkey. I am more worried about YOU giving him rabies or herpes than him giving them to you. Elmo, do you have a certificate of health?

Thanks so much for posting such easy-to-follow directions! They have been incredibly helpful, and works, I have found, for all manner of primates. I first used your suggestions on a rabid vagrant I picked up while driving back from Burning Man, and your how-to info did just the trick! I would like to also suggest the use of a mild electric current should your rabid monkey/hitchhiker awaken while in the bath. Simply remove your gloved hands from the bath, apply the current, and continue bathing your subject once it has been shocked into submission and any twitching has ceased. Thanks again!

Alternatively, toss a couple of bananas in the dishwasher and when
the little sucker goes in to get them…SLAM ! Gotcha!

One full cycle later and he’ll come out ’squeaky clean’.

(You’ll have nice shiny bananas too!)

In my enthusiasm to get the job done I only read the first part of your advice on sedation:

>>Take two sleeping pills and a couple of painkillers

Although this didn’t make it any easier to get the Hannibal Lecter mask in place, it certainly helped dull the pain of losing a hand.

Will this technique work in the classroom? There are a number of monkey babies there that are defying the evolutionary process. Still hung in the gratification stage.

“Babinski’s Reflex” you say? I was wondering what was up with that foot thing. Its good to know I’m not alone out here.
Does anybody know of a support group in the Midwest?

an alternative to the sleeping pills is chloroform. Its not easy to legally obtain so i recommend asking your rabid monkey dealer if they can connect you to a reliable supplier.

chloroform applied to a cotton ball on a stick with a little practice at chasing the monkeys head around long enough to sedate the little bugger as well as dodging his grabs that might pull the cotton from the stick but you will find the technique easier to learn than you think

after monkey is unconcious quickly remove chloroform from his area as continued exposure could cause death.

MOST IMPORTANTLY make sure not to spill chloroform or inhale it yourself! nothing is more dangerous than accidentally knocking yourself out next to a rabid monkey

Ah, just what I was looking for. Finally a USEFUL article. Thanks.

Ahh, thank you for your information about the Western Style of washing rabid monkeys. In Goombofu, we believe in the importance of exchanging cultural knowledge. Here on our tiny island, we’ve actually sectioned off a portion of the capital city’s harbor in order to bathe the rabid monkey population (their growth in numbers has been nearly exponential in recent years). Once we identify a rabid monkey, we use our sleeping spit darts to knock them out, then slingshot them into the waves. The constant roll of the ocean actually cleans the fur quite nicely, and gives it that “windblown” look upon drying. The cleaned monkeys are promptly given away as souvenirs to tourists leaving the country.

this tip was very useful, and i highly suggest for anyone reading this to check out the “polishing turds” article as well. there is nothing like seeing your pribe and joy of the colon on your fireplace mantel. Thanks howtocleanstuff.net

I’m so glad to have found this web page. One would think ‘How to Clean A Rabid Monkey’ would be readily available…but it’s not!!