Comments on: How to Wash a Rabid Monkey

By: Kris

Kris — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 20:13:24 +0000

I’m coming in very late in the conversation but any intelligent person can tell that the article is a joke even before reading it! It was intended for a laugh and for most of us with common sense, that’s what it got.

Obviously the people that should be chastised, if anyone is going to be ridiculed, it should be those that own monkeys.

By: goob

goob — Wed, 19 May 2010 14:51:29 +0000

How does one wash a rabbit-monkey? You know, the kind from crazy dna experiments? Mine keeps hopping away laughing at me with those crazy monkey eyes and cottontail. If my rabbit-monkey suddenly comes down with a case of the rabies, do these instructions still apply? Or should I try to find specific “how to wash a rabid rabbit monkey” instructions? I would imagine the ears are a bit tricky.

By: jester

jester — Mon, 17 May 2010 07:21:23 +0000

Use the alternate dishwasher method but only if you can adjust the water temperature as cooked monkey is illegal in this country. Don’t allow dishwasher to dry as the heat is to intense; let monkey dry itself with the hairdryer as that will be more stylish.

By: Lilmookie

Lilmookie — Mon, 17 May 2010 07:12:17 +0000

Thank you SO much for this guide. Like so many before me, I desired the perfect pet and ordered a monkey online. No sooner did it arrive than did I see rabies. Man! Rabies were *everywhere*. My mother could hear the monkey screams from the basement, and the little bastard could bite! It was worse than the time the llama bit my sister, but I digress… I emailed the guy who sold me the monkey and he was adimet, “No refunds!” (I should have read the fine print…) It seems many people (wiser than me) were refusing to repurchase a twice loved monkey, until I saw your excellent guide to monkey washing.

It is so hard to find the right kind of monkey washing guide. Mostly it’s just links to horrific porn sites, or some cheesy click-n-spam site leading to the nearest “Rabid Monkey” generic knockoff shampoo (RB may cost a little more, but it really works wonders on the fecies/dry froth coating on the fur) Anyway, the monkey washing went off without a hitch! I recieved over twenty-five emails from prospective buyers just BEGGING me to touch my monkey. They love it, and I do too!

Thank you “Rabid Monkey” shampoo, and thank goodness for this guide! 5 stars all the way!!

By: Monkey mania

Monkey mania — Mon, 17 May 2010 03:21:32 +0000

I didn’t the directions very helpful. These days in order to be competitive you really need to wash your rabid monkeys a dozen at a time.

By: Athena

Athena — Mon, 26 Apr 2010 01:42:51 +0000

I have a hypoallergenic hairless rabid monkey, and in my efforts to bathe him as suggested I found that he does not stick to the velcro board. Does anyone have any suggestions to remedy this situation?

By: Tory

Tory — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 06:53:09 +0000

This method has also worked wonders for me with my dirty hippy/hitchhiking/conspiracy theorist roomate. When he first came to live with me I had to hit him with a toaster, string him up outside and hose him down. This does not go over well with the neighbors. After the first “rabid monkey” trial not only did the smell improve in my home but using sedatives had a remarkable side effect. He was quiet for HOURS! Not one peep about the government watching our every move or how Bill Gates… well we don’t need to go there… Anyway, thanks so much for all your help. I hope there are many others who will gain from your knowledge as I did. And um Eileen you kinda suck and obviously had problems as a child.

By: PaulaMinnie

PaulaMinnie — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 14:01:27 +0000

My rabid monkey is all clean now. That foot thing did freak me out and I now have a large bite mark on my right hand ;_;. It’s okay, though, I’ve gotten a rabies shot so I’m all safe.

I will also follow the suggestion of the person who thought to put them in the washing machine. What setting should I use, though?

By: PLOP

PLOP — Mon, 01 Feb 2010 06:53:39 +0000

Wow thanks so much my rabid monkey is in a zoo now somewhere in uzbekistan! im so thankful that this worked…
Eileen i think is just jealous because it diddnt work for her and she got he fingers bitten off coz she’s too dumb

By: N

Mon, 16 Mar 2009 06:32:47 +0000

Great tips! I was looking for a way to remove red kool-aid from carpet, as I had given up hope on finding a method of cleaning my rabid monkey! As a bonus, I can now polish my turds.