How to Polish a Turd

12 responses

  1. Potty
    February 23, 2009

    I don’t believe it – surely the turd would disintegrate to dust if tumbled or rotated with stones?
    I would suggest the drying technique would indeed work well, but for polishing I would suggest yacht varnish, with gentle sanding between coats. I doubt a dry turd would stand up to any aggressive treatment.


  2. Lea
    March 16, 2009

    Can I send you guys some turds in the mail and you could polish them for me?


  3. Andrew
    June 27, 2009

    I don’t understand how you could tumble a turd without it crumbling to pieces, unless it was already fossilized? Doesn’t make sense; I have tumbled many things before and a turd wouldn’t stand up. I can see other ways as mentioned above, perhaps “varnishing,” but tumbling doesn’t seem to work. Please explain more!!!


  4. Poofy
    September 5, 2009

    I wonder the same about the tumbler. Not that it would disintegrate your turd, but rather that you would find a hardened trail has outlined the walls, or it would splatter. But I guess it works.


  5. Andrew
    September 7, 2009

    I want to see pics of one of these “polished turds.” I just don’t believe this.


  6. Antonia
    January 9, 2010

    I thought this was quite an interesting aspect of the process:

    “It is good to stop the tumbler and open the barrel every 12 to 24 hours to release gas build-up and to check on the turds.”

    Gas build-up? Now that sounds like the most dangerous aspect of this process . . . . or at least stinkiest . . . .


  7. Jessmika
    February 13, 2011

    This worked very well. I now have one of my dog’s biggest turds placed like a trophy on a mantle, as well as a picture of my cat. It is a very good technique that should be experienced throughout life. :)


  8. Thomas
    January 27, 2013

    Everyone knows that turds require dry tumbling using ground walnut media impregnated with rouge (this also adds colour). Turds and water simply add up to diarrhea! I would also add micron-sized precipitated silver powder as an antiseptic measure – no point in taking chances, is there?

    I agree with the idea of varnishing, but only after proper polishing and really only to prevent rehydration.


  9. Hott Babe
    November 11, 2013

    Sometimes I like to takes pictures of my poop and look at it later. Then it reminds me of what it smelled like. You know, I’m just like, “its my turd and I want to smell it now!!” But this idea might help remind me as well, so thanks for the helpful hints-gotta get myself a tumbler! :)


  10. Irrated-Bowel
    February 3, 2014

    I have a warped sense of humor. I also have IBS. Most of my life I thought it normal to have a bowel movement as rarely as once every 3, 4, 5, days OR MORE! I used to have this boyfriend and when I mentioned this, he just went nuts. So began my reeducation on “normal.” Now I think “normal” is daily evacuation! I eat BRAN BUDS at 51% fiber. I am taking supplemental enzymes and probiotics. Having a BM is the freaking highlight and joy of my day. Having a non-annoying consistence is having a gold medal winner event. Peanut butter type BM of a million wipes; some dry and hard you’d think it could be mounted in a setting and pass for a diamond. You just never know with IBS. So turds are a favorite topic of mine to my husband’s utter horror. I am like, ‘why should I suffer alone.’ I found a book called the “Poo Log” and its names of types of poo about made me laugh up my spleen. So I have said about a particular memorable BM moment, well I should shellac it as a memento of this most notable occasion. But this is a joke and an empty threat. It is beyond mentally ill and psychotic to ACTUALLY do it. My Poo Log has pages to journal my fecal matter and draw a sketch of it. Again, it’s a joke. A book ya get or give to someone who gives TMI about their BMs.


  11. Me
    July 29, 2014

    Mythbusters did an episode awhile ago where they polished turds by hand using different grades of sandpaper to achieve a glossy finish. They showed that it could be done, but that not all turds would work well for polishing. I forget which one they said they felt was the best, but they viewed the concept as definitely plausible.


  12. Mudblown Bliss
    November 21, 2014

    The vibratory tumbler technique works very well to my surprise. Last NYE, I was hosting a party and gave all in attendants a piece of me — they were informed that they were simply home made candy bars. I did add some peanut butter, salt and powdered Nesquick to the tumbler before the polishing process began. My homemade dumplings were quite the hit at the party and had several people ask for the recipe, I just chuckled and said it was a secret. It was especially enjoyable watching my wife’s parents devour my butt muffins with such enthusiasm and glee, even the grandmother (94) got in on the feast de la poo while I myself didn’t partake in the fun. Mmmmm mmmm mmmm, turds!!!

    This did not really happen, I just thought it’d be a funny, possibly believable story, lol. Yes, I know I have a twisted sense of humor.


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