I’m sure some perfect Suburban princess will take a glance at this and say, “Just ask him nicely.” But, c’mon, you know you’ve tried it and it didn’t work. That’s why we’re here. Your man doesn’t listen. Chances are he was wishing you came with a mute button by your second date. Screw being nice, if you want the man in your life to clean up after himself, you need to play hardball. Here’s how.
Table of Contents:
Disclaimer: This guide is satirical.
Understand the Enemy
The first thing you have to know to get your man to clean up after himself, is Man. Man needs three basic things to function happily and understanding these things will put you at an advantage. Need #1, (and I will add that the order isn’t going to be the same for every guy,) sex. Need #2, food. Need #3, AVEM or Audio-Visual Escape Mechanism such as television, video games, golf, etc. Don’t fool yourself by thinking that money and power is on his list of necessities. Guys want money and power to attract sex, and to buy food and toys. If getting needs met was cheap and easy, all men would be on your couch in dirty underwear, eating cereal and playing video games while you kneel before him waiting for his command to worship him in whatever way he saw fit. I think the only reason why men shower is because they enjoy having company from time to time; so, you see how much leverage you actually have?
The Tools
Now that you know more about your man, you need your tools for dealing with this knowledge. We can’t beat them into submission, the human rights people would be all over us; and not too many of us have the upper body strength to carry out the task anyway. We can’t drug them or implant some sort of device into their frontal lobes, the human rights people and the police would team up to lock us away. We have to use what the good Lord blessed us with, incredible intelligence, and carefully craft the right plan. We have to barter, threat, and withhold. These tools are better than the phone books police use to interrogate their suspects without leaving a mark.
The Strategy
So now you know what you’re dealing with and you know what tools to work with. Here’s how you put it all together.
Sex
If the only reason you stay with your man is for him to open jars, kill spiders, and uh, reach that little itch that needs to be scratched; this section may not be for you. But for everyone else, you can use your tools on your man’s need for sex to get him to clean up his act. So, what is he doing? Dropping his dirty socks and boxers on the floor…right next to the empty hamper? You can barter with him. You can say, “Honey, if you’ll just pick up after yourself, I’ll do that thing you like me to do without it being your birthday.” Of course, you realize that if he does his part, you must do yours. So, be careful at what you’re offering. On one hand, you want to show him that you’re willing to do something you don’t like to do if he’ll do the same. On the other hand, you can just pick up his socks and be able to look yourself in the mirror the next day.
If the bartering doesn’t work, you’ll have to threat. “So help me, if you don’t start putting your clothes in the hamper, you’ll be a missionary man for the rest of your natural life!” If he can’t add some variety to his way of life, i.e. cleaning up after himself instead of making you do it, don’t give him variety in his sex life.
There is the possibility that he still won’t do his share in the relationship. You have to withhold sex. I know that makes it a little difficult on you sometimes. If he isn’t rolling off of you and into a deep slumber, you may have to talk to him until he goes to sleep every night. And you may have to take some matters into your own, uh, hands. But, hey, he isn’t helping out. He has to pay the price.
Food
They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach for a reason, use it to get him to make your way to the bathroom mirror. You’re tired of having to throw all of your weight on the door to get in because his towel has somehow gotten wedged beneath. And then when you get in, you have to wonder how he could get toothpaste EVERYWHERE. Let’s not even talk about the toilet seat. So you barter, “Sweetheart, if you could just wipe out the sink in the morning, I’ll have a big breakfast waiting for you.” As with the sex, you’ll have to have that breakfast ready and waiting as promised. If you aren’t that great of a cook, this section may not be for you.
If you leave him at the table to inhale all the bacon and eggs and still have to fight your way into the bathroom, you need to pull the plate away. Threaten him, “that was your last mouthful of bacon ever, if you don’t go in there and clean up your mess.” He’ll look at you like you pulled a knife on him, but he’ll get up and do his duty because he’s still hungry.
Now, if your man is so stupid that he says he’ll get something on his way to work and leaves you hanging with his dirty dishes AND the messy bathroom. You’ve got to follow through with your threat and withhold the bacon. Cook every grease-popping piece and find someone to feed it to: the pet dog, the homeless man at the intersection, your co-workers. Just don’t let him eat it. You can go as far as to make yourself meals, clean up your own dishes, and leave him at the table with fork and knife in hand wondering why you’ve turned off the lights in the kitchen without bringing him dinner first. Or, you could scrape off all of the toothpaste he left and put it on his plate. “I told you, no more bacon!”
AVEM (Audio-Visual Escape Mechanism)
Did he dump his jacket, keys, and whatever else just where you asked him not to when he came home? Barter. “Why don’t you hang up your jacket and put your keys on the hook and we’ll watch what you want to watch tonight?” Just know that you may be watching monster trucks crush school buses for two hours.
You may have to threaten. “If you can’t help out around here, I’m going to take the remote control away! We both know you’ll never stand up to turn the channel!”
If that doesn’t work, withhold. You watch him drop his stuff and then you get his attention, “Hey! What did I tell you?” Pull the flowers out of the nearest vase and put the remote control in the water right before his very eyes. Then grab a book and sit down in his favorite chair to read.
Other suggestions
Sometimes, you can make a simple statement that doesn’t border on bartering, threatening, or withholding. They’re suggestive statements that can be effective if you think quickly and execute them properly.
If the dishes are piled up and he’s giving you the “Babe, do you wanna?” look, you sigh and say, “I just hope I’ll have the energy to rock your world after I wash all of these dishes.” He’ll offer to rinse.
For the timeless question, “What’s for dinner?” You can respond, “Who has time to cook? I’m trying to clean this pig sty!” He’ll compromise with picking some things up for a tray of store-bought lasagna that should be done baking by the time you’re done cleaning.
When he can’t find the remote control, just suggest, “I don’t know, dear, maybe it’s underneath all of your stuff there on the couch.” It isn’t a definite, but he might put something away for some quality TV time.
If all else fails, you can kick him out and start fresh with someone else.
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As for the clothes on the bedroom floor; if its on the floor then it is still in the guys control and he’ll re-wear it until he’s decided its dirty enough to be washed. Whats the point in throwing it in the hamper so it can be rewashed constantly until your new favorite shirt looks like its 5 years old.
If he makes a mess in the bathroom then get two bathrooms or hire a maid. How many people do you know that go into the toilet room to admire it’s beauty? If no one is coming over whats the point in expending twice as much time/energy to clean it as it does to dirty it.
And as for the bacon, touch my bacon and you can go back to live at your Moms.
If you can’t him to help, I say let him take care of his own clothes as far as washing them, when he runs out of clothes I’m sure he’ll get the picture.
If he leaves his clothes on the floor don’t pick them up. Maybe he will realize how bad he really is if it’s left there for him to see instead of you picking them up.
One thing I did once was get a hotel for 3 days. Didn’t tell him where the kids and I were going either. He was so happy to see me that he started helping. I think he knew I was trying to teach him a lesson because the house was spotless when We got home.
I totally disagree with the whole withholding strategy. It only causes more stress on the relationship. You have to communicate. (Possibly saying the same thing 15 different ways until he can relate.) When they truly understand why something affects you in a certain way, it helps them remember to not do it.
Something I found that works to get him to help clean up a bit is to very gently say,”could you do my job?” answer, “no”. Then, “wouldn’t you like some help if it were yours?” answer “yes” . “Then get your a** up and do something constructive please!!”
I guess you all live with men that are pushovers. The best thing to do is to just outright tell him. The withholding is NOT a good idea. All us men know how to play the GAME and we are really good at it. Don’t think we are just barbarians. We haven’t run this world since time began for nothing. Best advice I could give you would be try out the video game he plays, watch the TV show he watches, set aside time for cleaning the house once a week. I promise this will make a better life for both of you. STOP playing these bu****it games!!! They are stupid, we know what you are doing from the beginning and it just pisses us off. So we play your little game and most times it gets taken too far. Think about that before using these tips.
Are all these “tips” on here supposed to be a joke? This is not communication: it is cruelty.
These little “tricks” outlined by Meme would be the quickest way to getting her kicked out of my house. Most of the other “advice” is childish and a good way to begin divorce proceedings. (Or just make him want to beat you and hide the body…)
What happened between the time you “loved” this guy enough to move in with him and now seem hate every little thing about him. While HE is out working ALL DAY at a job he likely hates why should he have to come HOME to this ABUSE? I hope there are no children watching this soap-opera behavior going on. How old are you fourteen?
I LOVE how the men are responding with such violent tendencies to the postings that the women are leaving. I think all of this is so dead on it is hilarious.
The only reason the men are mad because it is so true. They can only think of themselves and can’t gather that someone else may want a little time for themselves.
I hope that Rick really thinks that we love our jobs so much. That we then look forward to our day ending to clean up after him. But don’t forget about the kids and the bills that magically get taken care of. OH where did that magic wand come from.
I think the only reason women get themselves in these situation in the first place is that. You don’t tell your man your expectations in the first place. You make dinner everyday, have sex whenever he wants, wash his clothes and say that okay honey I’ll do it. Then you get tired of doing it all the time and have a man who think your going to do it all, because you have been.
I am a man. You can save a couple years and a lot of legal fees by just getting your divorce as soon as you start having this mentality, before you get worse. Withhold sex and fellatio if you want your guy to have an affair or hire a woman who aims to please. About 65% of married men in the USA cheat. Want to push your guy there?
Really, try to out-do him with kindness. Love him unselfishly the very best you can. If you are lucky he will respond in kind. A dog will respond, good for good. Some people do to. If he does, you can have a nice life, with or without socks on the floor. Your happiness is 95% what you choose to think about. You choose one: escalate to evil, selfishness, competition, war, zero sum game. Or escalate to kindness, tolerance, and love.
My wife says I am the sweetest man she ever met. She is serious. I treat her with love, everyday, in almost all ways. She is mostly the same toward me, but sometimes only gives back 1/2 what I give. That’s OK! The human mind is self-centered, so if I think I do twice the nice things she does, in real truth maybe we are even. And there is no great virtue in even, except if your in middle school. Give all you can, be content with 1/3 back. But if I had a wife like the original poster, I’d want to leave her.
My husband tends toward the sloppy side, and I blame his mom for pampering him. We had a HUGE conversation (read: fight) over the issue of helping out around the house. We came to the agreement that as long as I was not working outside of the house, everything in it became my domain, and he couldn’t complain how I did it, as long as it got done. When I got a job, the rules changed. We both do laundry, I cook, he cleans, or vice versa, and we both maintain our own personal spaces. All it takes is communication, and a deep understanding of where the other is coming from. I can guarantee that if you even start thinking about doing the “tips” up there, then you will be one lonely, bitter woman.
Help
I live with my boyfriend and I feel that I may have to break up with him, nothing I have tried has worked to get him to help out more. He just says he is too busy, which is hilarious because i work full time and go to school, and still have time to clean the house and do all the laundry. I just am at my wits end, I know if I move out I will still have to do all the chores myself but at least I wont have to clean up after him. Like the above post’s I think his mom over pampered him and I pity that woman who is stuck living with him forever. It is so sad too because I really do love him and he is a good man, but I cant and wont do it all. I am not his slave or maid and I tried to tell him how it hurts my feelings that he doesn’t care how I feel but he just promises he will clean up after himself and then never does it. Just the most selfish person ever.
Lucky
I have straight up asked my boyfriend to clean up his mess but oh he “forgets” which is probably the same exact thing that Rick, Kane etc all use. I know you think that because you have such a “hard job” you have some kind of right to play video games, watching TV or jerk off for hours on end while we run around the house cleaning up after you. Here’s a news flash. I have a job too!! How would like to work all day at your job and then spend 2 hours of your “downtime” cleaning up after someone who “forgot”??? Give me a break. If we ask you, you forget. If we ask you more than once, we’re nagging. If we trick you, you kick us out of your house. If we withhold sex then you cheat on us. It’s a lose-lose for us. So basically you want us all just to shut-up and let you live the way you want. Go ahead then, let your dog pee all over your house and never clean it. Leave your pee in the toilet that you never wash until it overflows. Never wash your clothes or yourself or vacuum. Go ahead and leave all the lights on in your house and all the doors open. Let the stray cats just wander in and out as they please. When you run out of food because you “forgot” to go shopping and you haven’t slept in 4 days because you’ve been playing video games and haven’t eaten anything except KFC in two months and you have violent stomach cramps. DO NOT come crying to me!!!! We do these things because we want to live in a pleasant house and to make your life easier. We don’t do it because we are all selfish, *itches, who only want whats best for us. Maybe you guys are the ones who are being selfish.
Reading Is Fundamental
“Disclaimer: This guide is satirical.”
Seems most people didn’t get it. This is an article of what NOT to do. I think it’s in poor taste, personally. Maybe someone thinks it’s funny…
Lazy
I have met some clean men, but I am with one that is unorganized and doesn’t clean up after himself, and if somehow I get him to do the laundry, he puts ALL types of clothes together in the washer (including towels with dedicates). He won’t do it right (probably on purpose) so that I don’t ask him again..? When he does the dishes (because I asked ‘politely”) he never gets them all done (like come on..if the pans need scrubbed and you are going to soak them… and like always not come back to them… be a man and use your strong arms to scrub!!) and he doesn’t clean and wipe down the sink and wipe out the drains! Let me say this: I am a stay at home mom, I go to college a few times a week… I do not complain much for him to help me clean because he works. I appreciate him working so I will make him something to eat to take to work and do all the main cleaning (wipe the piss off around the bottom of the toilet kind of stuff). What I don’t like is the fact that he can actually LIVE in a dirty unorganized house and NOT care that it is dirty… that’s what gets me. He won’t pick up after himself and I compare that to “how would he feel if he is at work sweeping the floor and getting it all nice and clean and then suddenly his boss comes behind him and spills something on the clean floor and doesn’t clean it up, almost like he just knows the dude sweeping will get to it… because it is his job” That is how I feel when I am at home cleaning the floors and mopping them and he comes home – stomp stomp (dirt from shoes falls on floor) “oh she’s got a broom in her hands, she’ll get it… COME ON! And yes, the hamper thing really ticks me off. I have even asked him time and time again to not throw them on the floor I am not your mom, pick them up and put them in the frickin’ hamper that happens to be right by your side of the bed. I got him to not throw them on the floor, instead he throws them ON the hamper instead of opening the top and putting them in. FINE… at least they are not on the floor, but hell… it’s like he is throwing it in my face that he will do whatever it takes not to listen to me… to spite me. I clean up after myself, my son, and him. he goes to work, brings home the money… his job is finished. sure, he had an hour of a lunch break at work… me… maybe when the kid takes a nap… but my job NEVER ENDS… but at least my job is in the comfort of my own home and not at a place where I may hate my boss and the other workers. [ may I add that before I got pregnant, I was working two jobs. found out I was pregnant and kept working BOTH jobs for a while. He was laid off and collecting unemployment. I was STILL picking up after him, So really it doesn't matter that I am now a stay at home mom because once upon a time I wasn't and he stayed at home and did NO cleaning whatsoever] BITE ON THAT.
PS: his fishing tackle boxes are completely clean and organized and he keeps his boat nice and swept…) Oh do I want to re-arrange his lures so bad!!!!!
My guy is a slob!
It’s funny to hear the same thing I’m experiencing from other women – that their guy just wouldn’t notice the dirt anyway even if we stopped cleaning it; that no matter how disappointed or angry or sad we get about it, they just don’t give a crap. We can say how it’s frustrating us to the point of not wanting to live with them, yet they still refuse to take us seriously. It’s amazing how selfish this comes off, and guys, if you don’t mean for it to, look again, because we are the ones sacrificing our time and energy for the good of both of us; so we are being selfless and kind whereas you ignoring the situation is disrespectful and selfish. I hope this BS doesn’t ruin my own relationship; I’m at the end of my rope after 11 of my prime years of my life. I hope they don’t go to waste!
This post is a recipe for disaster
I think this post is ridiculous. I am a married woman with two kids. My husband doesn’t always clean up after himself, but I’m not perfect either. Sometimes I feel like I am doing all the giving. And if you talk to my husband, he will tell you that sometimes he feels like he is doing all the giving. We give and take. In reality, we do our best, shower each other with love, ask each other for help, and treat each other like the human beings we are. From women to women, I think several of you need to worry a little less of yourself and a little more of your man.
Getting your spouse to clean up after themselves
I agree with Robert, My Dad cleaned up after himself, did housework, helped with kids, treated my mother with love and respect. He taught my brothers to respect their better halves and do their part, which they do. But my husband is nothing like them. He works, I work, but he does NO housework, or clean up after himself. He could trip on his dirty clothes on the floor, kick the empty dirty clothes basket, and swear at me. I collect up his dirty supper dishes and clean the kitchen when I get home from work at 11pm. while he asleep. So you ladies that state your man cleans up sometimes Consider yourselves loved.
Oh please!
This is one of the dumbest posts I’ve seen in a long time. You got the first two of the three “man needs” right. Sex, Food, and PRAISE!! Men, Children, Pets, and Women aren’t all that much different. We all want something that feels good, we all need food, and when we do a good job, we want someone to notice it.
Withholding sex is dumb. First of all, if you put it up there with a “need” and than withhold it, isn’t that considered abuse by 95% of the population? Besides, when my husband knows he doesn’t have to want in that area, he’s more than willing to help out around the house. I do the cooking, and he cleans up after dinner.
As a stay-at-home-mother, we’ve divided up the chores. Anything that would get done during the day while he’s at work is my job. Scrubbing bathing, laundry, and other such things, I do. Anything that gets done after diner when he’s home from work we split. He’ll do a general pick up in 4 out of the 8 rooms in our house.
If your man won’t help after you’ve talked to him in an adult way, then maybe it’s time to start looking for someone knew. Its as much about love and respect as anything else. And for some of you, you might want to look at what behaviors you do that annoy him. Because just as much as we can do things to annoy them to change their behavior, they can do the same thing. So maybe if you stop standing in front of the TV while he watches his game, he’ll pick up his shocks.
On consideration, love and cleaning
I am about to lose my mind! I totally agree with Ariette. My man should pick up after himself and not leave it for me to deal with just because it doesn’t bother him. C’mon! Just because it doesn’t bother him doesn’t mean it’s right to leave his mess everywhere! There is a household to keep running smoothly and if he lives there he should do his part and be respectful.
I am the one working and paying the bills and he only picks up side jobs here and there, and STILL he won’t do his part or even clean up his OWN mess!? That is just wrong! What do I look like a maid? That’s not love.
If you love someone you are considerate to them. You help with the cleaning because you love them and because you live there too. And if you are a caring husband or boyfriend, you even go out of your way once in a while and clean the house before your spouse gets home from work, to make the weight on their shoulders a little less heavy. BET SHE would return the caring and consideration 10 fold. And you tell them you appreciate them! Duh! It’s not that difficult. Love and be kind and considerate. If you don’t think that is fair, leave and be a lonely slob.
What pisses me off...
…is how many men are angry that their women are angry that they don’t pick up after themselves. This article was meant to be funny, and also meant to blow off steam. I have no problem doing the cooking and cleaning, what I do have a problem with is picking up after my husband. He is not the only one who works, and if I can put my own clothes away, remember to feed my pets, and get my own dishes in the dishwasher, then why doesn’t he have to do the same? Sex isn’t a right, and withholding it is certainly not abuse. But, if you would rather cheat on me than pick up after yourself, then walk your sorry ass out the door right now. Keeping a house together is a lot of work, and it doesn’t take much for it to fall apart, especially when certain occupants don’t do anything to help. I expect to pick up after my toddler and my dogs. If you want me to treat you like an adult human, you better act more responsibly than they do. Because at this point, you don’t, and worse than that, you defend your right to be a slob.
These aren’t “games.” They are our attempts to get through to the male psyche about what is important to us, because, in theory, if we are important to you then what is important to us is important to you as well. But more often than not we feel ignored, so we try to come up with creative ways to get our point across, because if you’re not neanderthal morons that means you’re willfully selfish. When we sit down and rationally explain our needs and wants to you, and you tell us too bad, you don’t want to help so you aren’t going to, that just shows that you’re an immature jerk. If you did what was necessary so our home wasn’t an embarrassment to have company into then we wouldn’t feel we need to resort to “games.” If you paid attention and cared enough about us to help, we wouldn’t feel the need to deprive you of sex. If you took pride in your home, then maybe we could take pride in you. Ultimately, you’re looking for a justification for being an ass, and as long as you convince yourself you’ve found it, you’ll always be a loser.
P.S.
I would really like to know what makes you think you deserve to eat my cooking and enjoy my clean house and have sex with me on my sweetly-smelling sheets when you aren’t willing to give me anything in return. What, exactly, do you contribute that you think is worth the time and effort I put in for your comfort after I get home from my job, like I want to do more work at home and don’t want a break? You disgust me.
Now I'm Depressed
I thought my situation was unique and so I often dream of leaving my husband and finding a man who gave a crap. After reading these comments I’m starting to think I won’t find a man that is compatible with me. My daydreams are dashed and hope of living happily in a clean home are ruined.
Is he blind?
I really sympathize with all the hardworking women who have to clean up after their lazy boyfriends or husbands. What really blows my f$%^%$#@# lid off is that they only want to change when to tell them that you’re ready to move out! Here’s my situation… I met a man that appeared to be a neat freak. After moving in with him after a year of dating, he misrepresented who he was!
We’ve been living with one another for about five months, and everything I clean for him becomes a pile of sh&^%! I’ve had several talks with him regarding me needing a little more help around the house. Through one ear, out the other. Just last night I said if he doesn’t consistently shows interest in cleaning more, I’m going to move out! I hate that I had to throw this ultimatum in his face, but I saw an immediate change… I just don’t know if it will last this time. Before he met me, he didn’t care to line the garbage with garbage bags (gross), Didn’t know how to tie up the garbage when it’s full, etc… I feel like I have to pull my hair out to get help… It is so incredibly frustrating, and because of this, I don’t even want to have sex with him!
He’s six years older than me, and acts like a juvenile…The attention that he needs is incredibly unbearable..He walks around the house showing off his butt and thinks it’s cute. Maybe in the beginning I thought it was, but guess what? I’m sick of being his maid, and feeling taken advantage of, he can prance around butt naked and it doesn’t make me feel a thing!
I seriously dream of having a man that knows how to listen well, can be intuitive to cleaning responsibilities, hold a professional job and have a loyal heart and body.
I would cry and adore a man that can consistently show that type of love and commitment… I am that woman that can shares the same.
What a sad article. I know it was meant to be funny, but I think many of the comments show why divorce is so prevalent in today’s society.
Yeah, my husband is sloppy. So am I. We really struggle with keeping the house clean. If I feel like the house is getting bad again, or I feel like I’m doing all the work, I sit down with him and we talk about it. I don’t just tell him “you need to help me clean”. That doesn’t really help. We make up a chore list (just like the kind you make for kids) and split them between us. Most chores we switch off every month or so, but there are a few that we prefer to others and so are permanent (he does dishes, I do laundry). We hold each other to account for completing our chores.
Aren’t we all adults here? Communication is the best tool you have, not withholding important things.
Psh...
This is from my experience: First of all, men don’t care about living in filth. They prefer to wear dirty clothes and prefer to allow a mountain of trash to build up next to them. Withholding sex does nothing since it’s not something they want anyway.
Withholding food does nothing since he’d prefer to not have home cooked food as it makes too many dirty dishes, and trying to take away the video games will only get you beat up. the video games are the center of the universe, you don’t touch those or interfere with his playing them.
It’s our duty to work, take care of the house, and take care of them. It’s not fair to expect them to do anything. we’re lucky they tolerate us at all.
A plea from a man...
I have read all your comments with interest; however it’s my wife who is the problem – she has no idea how to put anything away. My quality of life is awful, I have a full time job and spend most of my weekend cleaning/tidying up. If I mention it she gets angry; WITH ME!!! I’ve threatened to leave her, put all the stuff she leaves out in the dustbin and lots of other stuff – nothing has any effect.
Stop being lazy!
Why don’t women realize you both have roles to play around the house? My agreement is that I’ll do all the leaves, grass, garbage, high, heavy and hot work that you won’t and couldn’t do and you do all the house work where its nice and and warm in the winter and cool in the summer? I’d much rather do house work which really isn’t that hard. I mean Jesus Christ you have washing machines, dish washers and microwaves. I enjoy cooking so I’ll do that to, but don’t come and bitch at me because there is some piss on the floor… it’s sterile. Get over it and clean it up!
What happened to common sense?
If you dirty it CLEAN it, if you drop it PICK it up, If you empty it FILL it, If you open it CLOSE it. If you get it out PUT it away. These rules were drilled into us as kids. My husband never learned these, So I don’t help him,look for the crap anymore, and if he gets too loud with me about not helping him look, I just go have coffee with a friend.
This is hilarious :)
You people argue over a satirical article and by doing so, rather unwillingly show the awful truth. I feel for the women who have lazy-ass husbands and boyfriends (and I’m a man) – and for the one guy, lol. But instead of bitching about and muttering either talk to your man/woman and settle it or leave. I had the same scene with my girl – she was dumping all kind of shit into the sink when the trash bin was 20cm to her right. Drove me crazy. First 10.000 times I told her nicely, then I screamed a couple of times, then told her 5.000 times nicely again. Now – miraculously – she stopped doing it.
Now she drops her old pants onto my fresh underpants drawer. X)
What I want to tell you is – you have it as you wanted it. If you don’t confront and play games you’ll get one angry partner. And as a man – there is nothing I hate more than playing games with the person I’m living with.
WOW
Okay, here’s the deal, get over it! If he’s not doing all the heavy, high, gross work, then yeah, you have the right to bitch, but the next time you’re running late for work and you’re car has already been cleared of the surprise snow from the the night before, you might want to think about the difference between picking up dirty socks and scraping a foot of snow off a car in 0 degree temperatures.
I cook, I clean and I pick up after him.
He takes out the garbage, scoops the cat box and changes it, he cleans up the yard after the dog stole a bean burrito, he cleans out the gutters, he fixes door knobs, leaky faucets, and anything else that needs to be fixed including my washer machine, he shovels the snow without complaint (our driveway is over 200 feet long), he mows the lawn, he washes the dog and takes the kids out after working for 12 hours because I need a break, he runs to the store for the forgotten ingredient in his least favorite dish, and he cleans up the hairballs the cats puke up.
Are their days I don’t like having to pick up after him and think that maybe he should do it himself? Sure, but then I remember what he does for me while working a full time manual labor job.
Stop and think about what he does do. You might be getting stone walled about cleaning because he doesn’t think you’re pulling your share and now you want him to pick up on that, too.
To Emma
Yes, I completely agree that there are men who do their part in helping home life run smoothly! I have one! I think the majority of the women on here are talking about the men who do absolutely nothing. They don’t help… period. Not only that but when you try talking to them about it they will either act like they don’t care, turn up the TV loud enough so they can’t hear you or just plain tell you “I don’t care”. Either way, both me and my husband have found our own way of compromising to make things work. I make dinner and do dishes Monday to Thursday and he makes dinner and does dishes Friday, Saturday and Sunday. (Usually a yummy BBQ!) He helps with a lot of things nowadays and he’s becoming more of a neat freak than me. What also helped was buying a chalkboard! On it we write “This week” and “This month”. We also have a goal that we are working towards at the bottom like a vacation or a big screen TV. I’ll write one thing like “mow the lawn” in the “this week” section & do not talk to him about it. He knows its there and because its only one thing he never feels overwhelmed… which is the main reason why guys don’t do things we ask. When they hear a giant list of crap they have to do they don’t bother. When they do the one thing you asked they want to feel like you appreciate it. So think twice the next time you rip your guy apart because he went to the grocery store and he got all the wrong things. He made a valiant effort and he did it for YOU. THANK HIM!! Anyways It’s obvious that most guys want to help in some way or another. I think they just look at things on task at a time.
Can't Agree. Here's why:
I’m a girl, and honestly, if I did the stuff in this article, I’m just asking to be bitter and alone. If a guy is sloppy, he is sloppy. He isn’t going to change for you because that’s the way he is. If you’re not OK with the socks on the floor, pick it up. If you don’t want to pick it up, then leave it there. He’ll get the hint and do it. Withhold sex and feed the dog his breakfast and he’ll go find someone else to have sex with and eat breakfast with. U need two hands to clap. Treat someone the way you would like to be treated. Punish a man like a child and you will be left alone for sure. If I was a guy, I would want to come home to a wife / gf who I can talk to and sleep with. Not someone who is going to nag me the whole day.
Takes time
My hubby is very unclean and the dirty clothes could rot before they are cleaned. I made a chore list for the BOTH of us. 2-3 small tasks a day. (ex. him-dishes Monday. her-vacuum Monday) Its working, slowly. I might have to remind him everyday, but at least it gets done.
Here is a real lesson!!
I am a mother of 2 and 1 on the way. It kills me how my boyfriend does not clean up after himself also. All he does is work, and play the xbox all day. He never has time to pick his clothes up, where ever he takes them off they stay. if he pops tags off his clothes he will put the tags anywhere from on the couch to the floor. Here is what I do what ever trash he leaves on the floor, I put it in his closet! so if he has dirty jeans laying around the house, I mix them with his clean clothes as to boxers, socks everything I put it all in his closet. If he throws his clothes on the floor I throw them in his closet and they don’t get washed. I mean in a sense I am still picking up after him, but he will get tired of picking trash out of his clothes. He has not fully got it, and I still get very frustrated! I just don’t understand how someone can be so dirty in their own house. I don’t even have to pick up after my 2 and 5 year old’s. Yes he goes to work and I am on maternity leave but guess what we split the bills still!! so for all you men who want to yell he’s at work, we still split the bills! I cant stand it and I am getting to the point where its going to make us or break us, we are about to have another baby I can only imagine how dirty this situation is going to get! Men stop being so damn dirty and lazy this is a sign of immaturity and ignorance!
Frustrated!!!
As much as I love my boyfriend I find this the most frustrating thing about our relationship. I admit that I am not the world’s neatest person and I don’t need everything sparkling but I want to be able to have people over without being completely embarrassed. We have had a couple “discussions” regarding cleaning and he makes the stupidest excuses – basically blaming me for his lack of cleaning, i.e. “The house was never clean enough to begin with” – huh?! We moved in at the same time so how does this make ANY sense? Either way I think deep down it’s viewed as woman’s work and that’s why it’s always somehow my fault that he hasn’t cleaned. I work more hours than he does and do a little housework every night and several hours every Saturday when he’s at work. No “thank you” or even acknowledging that I did it – WTF??? The cherry on top is that when he does help me he always has little tips for me on how to better clean – which he knows totally pisses me off. Thanks for the tip Mr Clean – here’s my tip: get off your butt and help me!! I feel that this is really a deal-breaker. I am fine with contributing slightly more to the household, but not to this extreme. I am becoming resentful which is not a good sign.
Plus – I’m hotter!! (haha – sorry – couldn’t resist!)
Thanks for the article – It’s good to know other people feel the same and I found it funny(and the angry men responses even funnier!!)
What the hell, MAN?
OMG! LOL I am so Happy that I ran into this site. Just a moment ago I thought I was going to slit both my wrists…. and ankles!
The guys comments were hilarious..(which is why we love’em) AND some of the women are dead on with expressing how us women really feel about slob ass men (Chelsey).
It’s good to know that there are other couples going through the same thing with their “mates”. I am an open minded WOMAN… so I have read and taken all comments into thought. This post I don’t think was suppose to be for what it’s turned into which is funny, because judging by the comments maybe it should have been.
This link/post should be sent to MEN/women all over! Not saying that it would change anything, but maybe serve to both as an “eye opener” Or possibly give men a better understanding of:
1. How we women feel.
2. Why us women are never in the mood for sex ( nd when we do it’s “boring” or taken as though we aren’t that interested).
3. Why we aren’t cooking and feeding them T.V dinners or McDonalds every night.
4. Why it always seems like we are “bitchy”, nagging, or harassing them about something.
5. Why their clothes, remote controls, and drawers are missing, or thrown into a closet or into a briefcase..
Simply put, filth and un-cleanliness to some MEN is really NOT that big of a deal. It’s just NOT IMPORTANT to them, they don’t care about getting, roaches, or company seeing their dirty underwear lying around, and mold growing from plates. It doesn’t bother them, they don’t see cleaning as a responsibility such as work. They see it more as being a chore.
WE (men and women) are different, we don’t care about the same things. What rocks their boat does NOTHING for us (sex, video games, ESPN etc). To us those things are a pure waist of time, childish, unproductive, we don’t care about that shi* ..
Us women obviously know sex and video games ETC are important to men, but how many times/how often do we actively make an effort to pick up a controller or go all out; heels, long hair, poll etc..? Not many and we’re not!!!
IT’S NOT THAT IMPORTANT TO US!!! JUST AS CLEANING, PICKING UP BEHIND THEMSELVES IS NOT IMPORTANT TO A THEM!!!!
Not until they clean up first right? That’s what we all say if I had more time or energy to do those things I would, but let’s be honest. No the hell we wouldn’t… lo. Maybe every once in a while, but on a daily basis? HELL NO, not even if our men were cleaning up behind themselves.
Because certain things are like “life and death” (drastically speaking) to US does not make “it” anymore important to the other person PERIOD. NO MATTER WHAT’S SAID OR DONE!!!
MEN don’t have the slightest clue of the effect filth/clutter/ and disorganization in the home has on us as women..
Like us Women don’t fully understand the effect lack of sex, or mental stimulation from video games etc have on Man..
BUT FOR ALL YOU MEN PLEASE READ:
Filth/Clutter and Disorganization in a HOME can be really “dangerous” to both you and her, LOL. ESPECIALLY IF YOUR WOMAN FEELS LIKE SHE IS DOING MAJORITY OF THE WORK TO KEEP THE PLACE CLEAN – and you aren’t helping but creating more of a mess.( BEING MORE OF A BURDEN)… let me explain:
Us women are emotional creatures (CAN’T HELP IT..THAT’S HOW WE WERE MADE) and we tend to respond by how we feel…
All those things mentioned above about filth, clutter, uncleanliness etc., can and will eventually create irritability, frustration, Depression, mixed emotions/feelings, Anger, Hostility, STRESS AND MORE…all within your woman (sometimes all at once). This normally leads to her/us “ACTING OUT”. Read all the other women’s comments and game tactics to find out what “acting out” is.
See my husband and I have been together 8 years have two children ages 3 and 2 and, and I too have a Trifling, lazy pig for a husband, who just never can seem to pick up after himself. I won’t begin to tell y’all about his nasty ass, it’s like all he thinks all he has to do is work, and like majority of the other women I WORK TOO FT. Anyway, I have tried all of the above and have only made things worse, created more stress and MIGRAINES.
SO, I’ve found that all the game playing, asking, telling and attempting to compromise is NOT the final solution but only serves as a band-aid for a period of time. Eventually it wares off and you have to put a new one on. But in this case you would have to come up with another solution, and I am sorry but I do not want to spend my days brainstorming on how to keep the damn house cleaned EVERY SIX MONTHS AT THE LONGEST.
What I did was this: I normally pay out all of the bills so I thought I knew where all of our was money going. I added up the money that we would spin on McDonalds, etc *unnecessary* things. It came up to almost $400.00 dollars a month. ($14.28 a day, just from us buying lunch at work etc.) I couldn’t believe it!
I found a young teenager in the neighborhood 13 years old (or if you have a relative i.e. niece etc). Spoke to her parents, told them I had my hands full and needed a little extra help around the house a couple days a week. Got their approval.
I put her to work on Wednesdays and Friday evenings after I got home from work and she was home from school, and again on Sunday afternoons for about 2 to 2 1/2 hours each day. She was paid $60 a week (every Friday). She was paid to clean the main areas of the house. i.e. Living room, the kitchen, spot clean the bathrooms, fold clothes, and vacuum,
This took away a lot of the work, because of the days of the week I had her clean. It also relieved stress without putting us in any financial trouble.
Sad that it came to us paying someone to clean, but the truth of the matter is: I can not make him do anything and I got tired of trying. I was tired of the games working for about 3 weeks then back to the same old tricks. Face it, if he isn’t clean, then he’s not clean.
It is what it is.
This is crazy
My fantastic partner is just like the others in the comments except that he screams at me that the house is dirty and says that I am disgusting. How can he have the nerve to say this when he NEVER cleans up after himself??? He is like 80% responsible for this mess. Honestly, I have no issue with cleaning up after our children, but I DO; however, have an issue with cleaning up after him. The kids’ mess takes me five minutes… put back toys, do their laundry, etc. But, HE will make himself all kinds of snacks and goodies and then leave spills all over the kitchen counter. If he cleaned them up right after he had made them, then it would not take me a half hour to scrub the counter the next day. Learn to scrape your own plate and put it in the dishwasher. Do not yell at me that you have no clean clothes when I am spending all of my time cleaning up after you. As far as his, “I have been doing a good job cleaning up after myself,” my response is… DO BETTER! I should not know at the end of the week EVERYTHING he has done… from what he wore, to what he ate, to what kinds of activities he did, video games he played, to what shoes he wore. . . the list goes on and on! If he were truly picking up after himself, than I wouldn’t know that he ate popcorn while drinking beer and playing Madden when I got home because his crap would be put away. His response is always that he was “too tired” to put it away… well, you were not “too tired” to take all the crap out. You are just LAZY. Honestly, our house keeps going from being trashed to ok, back to trashed… this can’t be a one “woman” job. I honestly have no issue with mopping the floors, cooking, etc… just pick up after yourself and help teach the kids to do the same, and we would all be much happier. I HONESTLY want to have more time to pamper him and give him special massages, but I am burnt… I take pride in being a good partner and mother, and I want to feel like a good wife (this has been my main dream in life), but I can’t even get to those things because I am stuck in this groundhog day nightmare. Sometimes I think he is no better than a monkey… without the capability of training himself to wipe his feet and put his shoes by the door, or taking the stuff out of his pockets before he throws his clothes next to the hamper. I just LOVE going through his insulation filled clothes to get all of the receipts and crap out before I throw his clothes in the laundry… and he wonders why he has no clean clothes. Maybe it has been the last five years of him leaving your socks right in front of the couch! What a complete jerk. . . I could train a dog better than I could train him. This is horrible.
@Vanessa: It sounds like you should speak to a marriage counselor. He *screams* at you?! You don’t say this, but it also sounds like he expects you to give him massages after having cleaned the entire house and been screamed at. You shouldn’t have to live with someone who treats you this badly.
@the others:
Also with a live-in boyfriend, dated for a 3 1/2 years, have lived with him for about 2 of those years. There are a lot of other chores he does, and I thank him when he does them, but two things:
1) He really hates seeing other people clean.
2) If he says he’ll do something, he doesn’t like someone taking care of it.
Now I wouldn’t mind 2), but he has a HUGE problem with dishes. He seems to hate doing dishes more-so than anything else in the apartment, to the point where they will attract flies. He waits so long I can hear him gag when he does the dishes. I wouldn’t mind doing them except that he says he’ll do them and there’s nothing less I like than being his surrogate mother. If I remind him, he says that he’s “tired but will do them”.
The thing is, I can’t stand to live near a health hazard. It’s slowly driving me crazy because no matter what I do, I lose.
I’m starting to think that most men do not know how to live in commonly shared spaces.
One of the lucky ones
I’m shocked at some of the things I have read, especially from the guys. I used to be with a guy who was a slob as well. I had tried everything to try and get him to help me out around the house, asking, nagging, threatening, etc. Never worked. What really makes me mad about it is that at this time I was working a little over 60 hours a week and his ass was unemployed. He expected me to do the house work, pay the bills, and make him dinner. I honestly blame his mother for babying him his whole damn life and never having to do a thing for himself. I believe if your man is not willing to help you out, then he needs to get out and you need to find yourself a real man. You can’t change someone who isn’t willing to change.
And ladies don’t give up on finding a guy who isn’t a slob. I am now currently engaged to a wonderful guy who helps me out around the house. He does dishes, dusts, vacuums, laundry, and everything else. And he never complains when I ask for help. Now I will admit once in a while he may slack off and skip out on a chore or two from time to time. But hey, nobody’s perfect. Be he’s pretty damn close. =D So come on guys, if you love your women then step up to the plate and show her.
You gotta be kidding...
Either a man wrote that article or your husband doesn’t need much encouragement.
LOL
One of these days when I need a good pick-me-up I will be reading this! I thought the original advice was hilarious and I can see some of it would work. I read some comments and though I do agree with some points the guys have made, I still don’t think they truly understand what it feels like to feel your just a few holes, a whore and a slave. Now some of the guys who commented on here may be genuinely decent guys who don’t use and abuse their wives so please disregard my last comment. But I do think things need to be done and the humorous ways of doing them are funny for both parties. Not the vindictive ones I might add. I don’t believe it’s right to withhold sex. That is wrong Biblically. The lighthearted jokes are great. The lying about where things are is wrong. Don’t create more issues. Solve problems. Good communication, humor, and compromise. That’s all you need. Good luck to the rest of you.
Do what i do
3 years I’ve been living with my boyfriend, and it’s taken me 3 years to understand how to get him moving.
Firstly. When he leaves his clothes, shoes, keys, papers, phone, sweet rappers, dirty dishes, beer cans, or gym stuff all around the house, I get a tall box and put it all in it. Everyday I do this and by the end of the week he wonders where things are, and I point to the box, the smell from beer and dirty plates would annoy him more as it’s his clothes that are mixed up in it.
I keep doing this until he learns, you can go further by leaving the box outside, let’s hope for his sake it doesn’t rain.
He will eventually see that he’s a messy sod, and will pick up. As for withholding sex, that’s just silly, dress up in your most sexy outfit, lie on the bed and say he can do what he wants to you but only after he’s done the dishes, then at least you get a good time and a clean kitchen. (and go wild in the bedroom to thank him for it) .
This works for me, it’s not so cruel and we both end up having a good time.
"Man" is not the problem!
This is so biased its ridiculous! I am the man in a relationship and I can’t get my girlfriend/fiance to clean up any of her own messes. She leaves stuff everywhere wherever she stops eating that’s where the leftover food plate, glass, and utensils get left indefinitly! Whenever she cooks she leaves everything out and she can’t stir without splashing food all over the entire stove and just leaves it to dry and harden and any leftover food that she doesnt eat or we dont eat gets left on the stove until I come along and clean it up. She wont even rinse the dishes that she does manage to get to the sink! It’s disgusting! She will leave plates by the bed and even all this stuff doesn’t stay long becuase I can’t live with the mess.
It makes me sick, but I have tried before seeing how long she would go before she cleaned up and the kitchen got so bad there wasn’t a clean dish left except for the ones I used. Food was molding on the stove and counter and there where several plates and other dishes all throughout the house wherever she had been. Finally, after me being on vacation for 3 days and staying away from the house as much as possible for another week after that I finally had to come in and clean it all up. It was begining to look like one of the houses on the TV show hoarders!
So this tells how to get your man to clean up, what about your WOMAN?!
To all upset men — of course this is a joke!!!! By the very cynical way it’s written you can tell / but help anyway!!
I love ROBERT’S post
You Sir, are correct, level-headed, and RIGHT.
As for the rest of this, I find the advice very funny and very satirical. However, after reading all the comments below the original article…I AM COMPLETELY DISGUSTED with the LADIES.
I am a lady. And I don’t understand how frustrations lead to the possibility of attempting to follow such advice. But let me give you the 411, as other did before. You are going to get nowhere by treating your man like shit. Please. What makes you ladies think that a man is going to want to even help you out, when you act like it is your divine right to get your way and boss him around. If a man says he “forgets” repeatedly…and it is hurting you and driving you nuts, why are you staying and putting up with it? Decide then that this is at the top of your list of needs, your need is clearly not being met, and then be strong and walk away to find what you need. OR ACCEPT that he may always be that way, and DEAL with it. The solution is not to sit there and ridicule your man. I’m disgusted by the language used against the men. If men were saying that about women, you’d all be crying and saying they’re “assholes.” Men may not always show their emotions, but they certainly have them and are sensitive. Men are not the problem, ideas like this are and especially when they are turned into actions in a relationship. Ladies, you must understand that men and women do not think alike, process emotions alike, and do not always have the capacity to listen. And I do not see at all, how being deceiving, hurtful, and pushing your way is going to get you the results you want. You need to be respectful, and you will be much likelier to get your way.
To Chelsea who wrote this:
These aren’t “games.” They are our attempts to get through to the male psyche about what is important to us, because, in theory, if we are important to you then what is important to us is important to you as well. But more often than not we feel ignored, so we try to come up with creative ways to get our point across, because if you’re not neanderthal morons that means you’re willfully selfish. When we sit down and rationally explain our needs and wants to you, and you tell us too bad, you don’t want to help so you aren’t going to, that just shows that you’re an immature jerk. If you did what was necessary so our home wasn’t an embarrassment to have company into then we wouldn’t feel we need to resort to “games.” If you paid attention and cared enough about us to help, we wouldn’t feel the need to deprive you of sex. If you took pride in your home, then maybe we could take pride in you. Ultimately, you’re looking for a justification for being an ass, and as long as you convince yourself you’ve found it, you’ll always be a loser.
Your post is so disgusting. You are playing GAMES if you follow the above advice! If you really understood the male psyche, which is what you’re trying to “get through to” you would understand that men do not always respond to words, especially when they have such a female like this, nagging at them. If you cannot handle it, get your needs met and leave and respect yourself…because clearly you’re feeling disrespected. Your whole entire post is putting the blame on men and expecting them to fix your problem of feeling like shit because you’re not being listened to. It is your responsibility, if you deem this a problem. But your name calling and self-centered perspective is making you look like the selfish one. Your pointing fingers and only losers do that, not the men who clearly have a problem with. I would hope that if you withheld sex and affection, you’d realize you’re the asshole because that IS game playing. You sound very immature, controlling ,and you clearly know nothing about men. And I would hope that you would get cheated on if you treated any man as terrible as that. Because no one, no human deserves that. I can understand why no one would want to clean your house, with an attitude like yours. Grow up or you will be alone in your life. And have some respect for the opposite sex.
My husband is the worst slob ever. He can live in a hoarders house with the rats it wouldn’t bother him a bit. Understanding that filth doesn’t bother him was helpful in knowing what would work, which is NOTHING. So I just started throwing everything away. Anything that was on the floor, socks, jeans, bassmaster, and fishing gear, And OH DID I HIT THE NERVE! Not the fishing gear!!!!! Just be prepared for some backlash and make sure all of your important stuff is put away in case of retaliation. I even threw dishes away! Sucks when there is nothing to eat off of! Honestly, I am not his maid, he is an adult and I pointed out to him what a shame it was that I had to show him my frustration and treat him like a child, and the fact that it worked.
I too have read all the comments and I too have a “lazy” man. However, we both have out faults. The key to keeping ANY relationship solid is communication. My man works 40+ hours per week and I work part time, with a disability. When things get so out of control and I feel I just can’t stand it any more I usually get mad and vent…to him. If I’m right he keeps his mouth shut and the next day I see a change; if I am wrong he will argue with me so we look at both sides of an issue. By no means do I think I’m all that and then some more, but I do expect help in OUR HOME. I don’t want to be embarrassed when company comes and I do feel that the state the house is in is a direct reflection on ME, not US. it’s important to see the good in your man and remind him how much you love him for those things and then be honest about the rest. It will work out.
Jake did comment that we (men and women) have our predestined responsibilities about the house. The man’s being everything outdoors and the woman’s being everything indoors. Really?? When were you born?? It’s great that you enjoy cooking! Maybe she enjoys gardening. That blows your theory out the window. What’s wrong with doing things together?? As in sex, it’s more fun!!
The best way to get a slob to pickup/cleanup after themselves? DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. If you marry or move in with someone completely at odds with whatever hang up you have then you deserve whatever hell you created for yourself. This is important life advice: YOU CANNOT CHANGE PEOPLE. They are what they are and always will be. Love them for what they are and not for what you want them to be. If you do not know someone is a slob before you marry or move in with them, you are brain-dead. Me? A semi-slob happily married for 42 years and looking forward to another 42 with another semi-slob.
Cute satire! That being said, I will make the comment that we women need to stop using the word “help” when we want other members of the house (especially our husbands) to do their share of the housework and pick up after themselves. When you ask for “help,” it implies that it is your responsibility, so in his mind any little thing he does is above and beyond. Instead of saying “Help me with the cleaning, laundry, etc,” say “Do your part” or “Contribute” or whatever other term makes it known that it is not just your responsibility.
There is No one solution here – other than GOOD SOLID communication. It’s a give and take experiment and it’s ever changing. Each partner should know what the role is in helping around the house, and its never 50 -50. Woman DO have less time now, and men DO have to participate more to bring something to the relationship, as the MAN is no longer the primary income earner.
Make a list of what needs to be done, put your name or your partner’s beside it. There should be an act of responsibility toward the relationship, and its both of your JOBS to add to it’s nucleus. Roles have changed and men are still living in an OLD partner ship of it’s past. Woman do have to take the bull by the horns and establish a new communication agreement that works for both parties. LIST jobs and who will do it. It’s an honor agreement. Leave the LIST on a TABLE visible for all, when a job gets done, it’s visible to all involved. Men do have a huge role in helping, as do woman. Don’t make this a child’s game of hate crimes. It will push both parties further apart, and your goal was to have more time for togetherness, not to clean and argue.
I found this post hilarious! Of course these steps aren’t going to work, but that wasn’t the point of the post! It’s good to know that there are plenty of wives (and husbands) that have to deal with a sloppy spouse, and I for one will pass this post on to friends who I know will look at it lightly and find it funny! I will definitely be trying the box idea, as suggested by Rachael – a quick, easy and tidy solution to man mess, and I have no doubt my husband will see the funny side of it too! I just won’t hold my breath and wait for the penny to drop…! Thanks for a good laugh!
Funny article! and I’ve had a lot of fun reading the responses. I, too, have trouble with my husband cleaning up his basic messes (washes his dirty hands and leaves the dirt all over the sink and mirror and cabinets, leaves shoes out where I trip over them, clothes on the floor). He is gradually getting better, by the way, after 12 years of marriage. I try not to nag, but I do explain.
Here’s my REAL solution. Don’t spend so much time picking up after your KIDS, either. Especially your sons. I had a lady ask me how I got my kids to get themSELVES up in the mornings and fix their own lunches for school. I expect it of them. She was still getting her boys up for school when they were in High School. They couldn’t use an alarm clock. Make them put away their own clothes, dishes, toys and backpacks. Have them help with the sweeping, dusting, mopping; and especially have the boys learn how to clean in and all the way around the toilet. Boys miss. It’s a fact of life. Sometimes things just don’t go the direction they expect. So they need to know how to wipe up. Who teaches them? MOM. (or who DOESN’T teach them…).
This will help them grow into husbands who not only know how to clean up after themselves, but are in the habit already of doing so and appreciating the clean, organized results. And the kids? you CAN barter with THEM. Can’t eat until the dishes are done from last time. Can’t watch TV or play until the clothes are put away and the room is straightened. Can’t use the phone until the bathroom is wiped down. Can’t go out until the project mess is put away. Works like a charm.
Ladies, you know what works? No more nagging. No more requests. You’ve already made them. He heard you the 1st and 99th time. Just stop.
Go ahead and take out the time and clean up the house the way you want it. Pick up his dirty underwear and his clothes, and the three pairs of shoes he left beside the couch for four days, and then his favorite coffee mug that he left on the coffee table and toss all of it on the balcony, or the back porch. Did he leave his toothbrush out of the holder and on the sink instead? Toss it on the balcony. Clothes in front of the hamper? Toss them on the balcony too. Anything he’s left out of place (especially that remote), carry around a bucket and toss them outside. When he gets home he’ll *itch and moan no doubt. But he’ll get the message after he has to keep going outside to look for his favorite sweater and important work papers he left sprawled on the floor (at least you didn’t throw it out). And if you have to wash the dishes, take his credit card and go out and buy yourself your favorite meal from your favorite restaurant to go (this works really well on cheap hubbies). After all, you can’t cook when the pots are all dirty (that is, if he is supposed to be the dishwasher). Let him make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
And don’t be angry about it. You’re not playing a game. You’re just doing what’s convenient for you. After all, isn’t that what he’s been doing all this time? Sometimes you have to act like a cold, uncaring, firm d*ck for a man to realize how much he appreciates your femininity and sweetness when he treats you right and you are happy. And when he decides to get up early one morning and pick his crap up, reward him like hell in the bed that night. Both stick and carrot are important.
I googled “how to get your spouse to clean up after themselves” and it brought me here. I can look at it from a few different perspectives, and it is a tough situation. I grew up with a single father of three girls and dated a man for 5 years who grew up with a single mom with two kids. We both knew how to take care of ourselves, and what it takes to be a responsible human being because we modeled our parents, had respect for each other & it was an expectation.
I love my boyfriend, and I am at the point of leaving because of his lack of responsibility in taking care of himself and our living space. I feel disrespected, hurt and frustrated because I have tried at least 10 different ways of approaching the subject, including him paying my best friend to clean with me every-other week. I love to cook and would like to express my love for him by doing things to make his life easy & better, but cannot do everything. I work 2 jobs, like to exercise and read for my personal benefit. I do not want to change him, or have us resent each other. Does any one else agree that this is a matter of personal preference, our raising & respect – or am I about to end an otherwise wonderful relationship for something that might change?
I wonder as someone did if there are truly any men who are naturally tidy, I think it is ingrained into them by MOM that someone else will do the bulk of picking up after them when you move in together and they are just born that way? I lived with my xbf part time. His philosophy was “real women don’t do housework”, but in actuality I did the bulk of all the work while also doing the bulk of the work cleaning at my father’s home where my very slovenly brother did NOTHING but create more mess, while xbf was very messy and did very little even though he always said he would when I asked him to clean before I came over, so that I wouldn’t have to clean after driving and often working.
It was a strange combo of him criticizing how I put dishes into the dishwasher or even that I washed dishes, while he let dishes piled up in the sink for days and other similar behaviors.. In addition he was constantly doing laundry to have clean clothes when we were going out somewhere, and making us late for everything because the dryer took forever to dry his clothes, but at the same time he was leaving huge piles of clothes all over the floor and the laundry room. At one point I spent 2 days cleaning up the laundry room and within 3 months there were clothes all over the floor again!
I should have run the first time he took 2 hours to get ready to go out somewhere. At that time his mom was living with us also as he was caring for her and they had a maid come in to clean, but I would still clean things as the maid did an inadequate or not a thorough job.When his mom moved, he fired the maid because she was waking him up in the morning! I told him: I’m not cleaning up after you, but I ended up doing just that because I didn’t want to live in pigsty.
I’m not a clean freak but I do like a fair amount of order and cleanliness. He told me that in one home where he lived by himself and he had been very neat, but otherwise he had always been a slob, so he WAS capable of keeping things clean. And he did clean things sometimes when I asked but it was a rare event so I have to say it was just not caring about my feelings mostly maybe.
Which was strange because he did put me first in many ways. We ate out a lot and I did a lot of cooking also, he often made breakfast for me and sometimes other meals when I asked him to. We ended up breaking up for other reasons. I think I thought that if we lived together in our own home that it would be a fresh start and if order was established we would both keep it that way, but who knows. He recently told me he left the refrigerator filter in so long it was stuck in and water had built up everywhere or something to that effect. He is now moving and going to buy a new home and I wonder it that will be the home he will keep clean? This will be his first home of his own and it should have been OUR home.
I’m at an age where I just do NOT want to spend any more time cleaning up after people! I think all men are like this so I think I’m going to be alone forever which is not what I want.
I think this argument is as old as time, when men and women decided to live together. My husband is on the sloppy side, he never picks up or helps out only once in a while with all the work around here laundry,dishes etc.. Yes he works hard at his job but he gets to leave it behind and come home. Why should he get to come into my work space and make a mess for me? Especially when I have 4 small kids that do that already all day long? It makes me more tired and upset. I think if more men took the time simply to clean up after themselves marriages all over would be better. I know mine would be. However I agree with the previous posts of communication. I have told him how I feel, things are great for awhile, then he lets things slide again. Its a habit not to pick up after your self plain and simple. Until he decides to change his behavior. I can choose to love him any way and gently steer him back to try to change. I think its just habit and we all have bad habits. Good for the men on here who have changed their bad habit of mess making, and their happy wives too for giving them love to change for.
Yes I agree with some of these comments that lack of respect for their husband, wife or partner is very wrong. But I think that not helping in the home with chores, etc. is pure laziness in some cases. And it isn’t just men who don’t pick up after themselves either. I have known quite a few women who live in dirty homes and some don’t work at all. I had a friend, she lived in a house which was split into 4 flats, she was single and not working at all and she invited me round for a cup of tea one day, I had met her at an evening class for adult education. The flat she had contained a bedroom, a kitchen, dining room, front room, bathroom and toilet, I only visited once as the whole place was so dirty and the toilet looked like it had never been cleaned ever and she had lived there over 4 years. When I met her after that I normally saw her in a local cafe as I could not face going to her home again. She was a good friend which was sad really, she moved away but we are still in touch by phone I often wonder what her home is like now.
I have just moved in with my boyfriend officially after letting him stay at my old place, where he did nothing for himself – as he was my guest! I explained and warned him numerous times that things will be equal from the day we move in. Except it is now worse and no matter what I do, nothing will get him up off his arse. I feel like his mother. I have threatened to leave him which brought on tears for the first hour or so..and then it was back to normal of me tidying my mess and his.
From these comments ladies it appears that all men are the same and unless we turn lesbian we are just going to have to put up with it until somebody finds us a solution that prevents us having stress headaches every bloody day. I do hope this is not our lives forever we deserve much more than this girls!!
Ok, so I have read your stories and sounds like mine is going to top them all. My boyfriend and I have been together for 23 years. After 3 years of dating, we decided to buy a house and move in together. At the time I was 24 and he was 28. Because I hadn’t been at my job very long, and didn’t make much money, the mortgage was put in his name only. It was a small 1,000 sq. ft house in at that time, a nice neighborhood. Things started out great, I paid for groceries, utilities, etc. and he paid the mortgage. He was clean and picked up after himself and really appreciated the home we established together. As the years passed, the neighborhood started to deter ate. I worked full time as did he, and I started to attend college at night and on the weekends. In 2001, I finally got my bachelor’s degree, and actually started to make a decent buck (Still now don’t make as much as he does, he is an auto body mechanic). At this point I started asking him if we could move, I looked at this as our starter home, and now that I was earning more money, I thought it would be a good time for us to move into a home we could own together and also give us a bit more living space. He said no, a couple times I was able to get him to go out and look at homes but he would always say no. The house was at the beginning stages of falling apart, and he started getting lazier and lazier, and would not pick up after himself. I got frustrated, so frustrated in fact that in 2004 I went and bought a townhouse and moved out! My hope was that he would start seeing his ways without me there, and start taking better care of himself and his home.
Well, it’s now 2011, and unfortunately it has just gotten worse. I love this man to pieces I just cannot handle the way he lives. Bricks on front of the house are falling off, the back sliding glass door has so many moisture/water damage marks between the panes you can’t even see through it. Trees/shrubs are overgrown (haven’t been pruned in years). I use to love to garden and plant flowers but he would never mow the lawn and to this day (20 years later) he has yet to actually use a weed eater. The deck is weathered and is falling apart, with prickly weeds growing up between the boards. Paint is peeling off the house, AND THEN THERE IS THE INSIDE……… He refuses to wash his own dishes (he would never allow me to put a dishwasher in his house when I lived there). Dishes will sit in the sink for weeks and weeks with stale moldy stagnant water sitting in them. He drinks a lot of bottled water and pop in cans, and never throws away the empty containers they just pile up on the floor. The kitchen table is covered with papers, clothes, everything……. we can’t even sit at the table for a meal. He doesn’t dust and hardly vacuums. There is at least a ¼ inch of dust on all of the furniture. The bathroom hasn’t been cleaned/wiped down since I left, and there is thick cob webs everywhere from spiders. The oven doesn’t work well if we cook something he has to lite it manually. The refrigerator does not work properly either, anything you put on the top shelf freezes, water from the freezer leaks into the fridge. Empty bags from purchases are on the floor. The basement is full of all the stuff that won’t fit in the garage. You can’t even see the floor of the garage because there is so much garbage and crap all over. It’s almost like what you see on one of those hoarder shows.
We are still together as a couple, and see each other every day we just live in two separate houses. I go over to his house all the time because he is allergic to my cat, so he won’t spend time at my house. So basically I am paying a hefty some of money every month to sleep somewhere else. I am embarrassed and embarrassed for him but he doesn’t seem to care. I just cringe when friends stop by I just hate for them to see his house. Of course my house is very clean and tidy, and no one has ever seen it, no one ever comes over to see me. Ohhh…. well I will probably die old and alone in a clean house.
So what is the solution? I’m 26 and don’t want to become a woman who plays games, but I live with a man who swears at me for the way I keep the house yet leaves guitars strewn about after he gets home from his gigs. He said on the census form we just filled out that he does 14 hours of cleaning a week, which is just not true. He yells tame for ‘blocking paths’ but that is because usually I’m trying to out something where he will be walking so he deals with it. Then he says Wednesday he willv vacuum, vacuums the following Monday, leaves the vacuum in the middle of the hall- how is that not blocking a path?
So men, what do we do? I don’t want to play games, and I want standardstobe fair. I just don’t want to get called a bitch anymore for bringing anything at all up.
Please, how do I be a modern woman and yet get what I think is fair happening? I am such a good and sweet and giving person I make him organic steak with peppercorn sauce and steamed and roasted veggies, cream filled chocolate laming tons, I seriously am a good person. I just don’t want to be sworn at and called names. How do I foster solid communication?
What? Why is it being suggested that we treat our men like they’re dogs? What happened to talking and conversing on the same level? Don’t treat hiim like a child, don’t punish him like a child. I’m not going to bribe my man to get him to clean. I don’t gete rewarded for cleaning, why should he? We both own our home, we both work, and we’re both capable of taking care of our place. Any man worth being with will listen and try to change his ways if you just express how much it bothers you.
DO NOT forget that some WOMEN are pigs too! WHAT should I do (as a clean man) withhold sex from HER??? LMAO! I know the article was satire, BUT……. too many women follow it in real life.
AVEM (Audio-Visual Escape Mechanism) = Alcohol & hookers.
High Times printed an article a while ago about how men can get more fellatio from their partners. Turns out it was as easy as taking out the garbage without being asked and without expecting praise for doing so. Something to think about. If you act like a child instead of an equal partner in a domestic situation, and you’re not getting sex, perhaps your partner isn’t into having sex with children.
Rick,
While I agree that these tips are not effective for creating or supporting an honest relationship based on equality, the following is bull:
“While HE is out working ALL DAY at a job he likely hates why should he have to come HOME to this ABUSE?”
I don’t know how things work in your house; maybe y’all are lucky enough that only one of you has to work outside the home. In my house, we both work full-time. And if I work the same amount of hours outside the home, I expect to work the same amount of hours inside the home.
My husband-to-be is a grown man. I shouldn’t have to patronize, punish and plead with a 30 year old man to take basic care of his home and hygiene. That’s not good for either of us. But let’s not be drama queens here. The tips above, while foolish and shallow, are not abuse. Being asked or expected to pull your own weight around the house is not abuse.
And speaking as a woman, who has been on the end of actual abuse from men, that kind of talk coming from you would be like me complaining about the effects of racism to a black person. So shut it.
OMG…such animosity flying around. I am a slob…my son is a slob. My wife is as neat as a pin, takes hour long showers and uses about a gallon of Purell a week. The only thing I agree with is to reward him with sex….I think that would be a good thing with me. I am a very intelligent guy…a scientist with an IQ that’s up there…I’m not bragging but saying that I did nothing…absolutely nothing to earn this ability and gift. To the same token, I did nothing to inherit my sloppiness…it wasn’t my mommy pampering me or anything else…I have always been sloppy. I did the military thing and was an officer. Guess what, the neatness didn’t stick. I’m sorry to all you ladies out there because I’m such a screw-up…because reading your harsh comments…that’s exactly how you make guys like me feel and I just don’t get it. I mean ladies…do you really want to compromise your relationship over a pair of socks on the floor? My wife is neat…she didn’t earn it or go to neat school…she’s just neat. With all the difficulties in relationships these days, why in the world is this one being discussed with such sticktuitiveness? Maybe the next time you see a pair of socks on the floor ladies, it will be a reminder that you love the guy who puts them on every morning and that he didn’t toss em on the floor to disrespect you…he just tossed em on the floor. Someday, they will make it into the hamper. Someday you won’t have the feet that go into those socks anymore. Life is so short.
I agree with most of the men on this site. There are alot of smart women out there that are right as well. For one, Sex is not a necessity for most men, we can take matters into our own hands, we did it for years before we met and can still today. And who is to say that what you do is that great?
Food, Yes I can cook, and I am good at it. Most men can run a grill and can cook other things as well, so strategy #2 is busted as well. As for 3, Hmmm really TV, There are just as many women out there into watching TV as men, Soap Operas, Home and Garden, etc, most of these aren’t men’s shows. My wife and myself don’t always feel the other is doing there share, But we at least both make an attempt and that is the main thing. For the person cleaning up and putting everything in His closet, if you were my wife you would find yourself digging the snow out of you car in the winter. Marriage is a 2 way street, communication and compromise. If you really can do everything with out him and are really that miserable, will it make a difference? I would say you have other issues and should just go find that “perfect guy” and move on down the road. Both of you will be happier in the long run. Some time I hope people start to realize that Marriage is Work. It is not Easy! Look at the divorce rates. Why? Because people fight over stupid crap like this rather than worrying about stuff that matters. Get Over it an Move On.
Isn’t it funny how men stick up for men most of the time! I am willing to bet that most of you men provide a stable/above average income to the household? Well, I am willing to bet that most women who complain about the laziness of their husbands are wives of men who provide equal or less income to the household and provide most of the hotel service in the house, most of the parenting duties and have to give constant reminders to their unmotivated, lazy husbands to do even basic chores for themselves! I have not had sex with my husband for many years! Yes, withholding! Has he left…. NO! because he is too goddamn lazy to even do that!
Better still, don’t get married or co-habit if you don’t want to spend the rest of your live skivvying after your partner
I have not seen one comment yet that is perfectly accurate. I believe the following opinion of mine is the best, of course. Men are all of those bad things these women say they are because one or botth their parents raised a monster, and I do feel that most of these women would be justified in leaving these pigs. Here is the kicker. Women are just as much jerks, because they fail to do their part in fighting wars. For example, if they really wanted equality, they would be protesting that only men have to sign up for Selective Service and that only men died in all of America’s past wars. Women don’t care about equality until they want somebody to help them with the traditional woman chores. Can anybody imagine men like me filling these comment spaces with long angry comments about how women don’t do most of the dangerous jobs in the world, like construction, welding, etc. Women don’t fight the wars like us men do. Does anybody really think for one moment that most all human beings would not laugh at all that complaining about women coming from men? Most all human beings would totally ignore a man not doing his traditional roles in life. But when women complain about having to do their traditional roles in life, all of a sudden it is suppose to be justified complaining. So my conclusion is that these men are truly jerks. But so are women, because they would not listen for one second about men complaining about the aforementioned. Lastly, women cannot state bearing children is a disadvantage, because tens of millions of women in the world choose not even to go there. And the women who bear children, love creating a family. If they didn’t, then why are they insisting on showing off their kids photos on Facebook all the time.
I’m more inclined to wash up when she plays video games or acts a bit like a close friend. I like it, makes me wanna try things like cleaning… But together as a team. Teamwork! WOOP!
He is a guitarist, not really into television but I can make it work. The other day I got out of bed, slipped over on his jeans that landed where he undressed and fell on top of his guitar. I now have huge painfull scratches and bruises up my side…
Started to clean up today after he left to play a gig and I found one of the albulms I bought him as a gift bent and broke in his cupbard (that was left wide open with all his stuff spewing out) and it really upset me that he doesn’t seem to care. I don’t know how to make him more respectful and tidy but I will give these few tips a try. Hopefully I can get through to him without him getting into a strop
Why in the world would I give the bacon to someone else? Screw that, I’ll eat it. Where did this idea come from that meat is only for men? I see stupid vegetarians putting it out there now–which gender is more represented among vegetarians? Thank you. To hell with that. I’ll eat the bacon. He can cook his own.
And NO, guys being slobs is NOT a minor thing. Because it’s never just one thing that’s out of place. It’s lots of things, all over the house, and in some of the dumbest positions and for the dumbest reasons. Five steps away from an open trash can and you leave a wrapper on the countertop. WHY? What is the point of that? You left poop splattered all over the inside of the toilet and God knows you never clean the bathroom, but the brush is right next to the toilet. A reasonable person would say “Gee, I just made a big-ass mess, maybe I should clean it up,” and would scrub away the mess, because even if you don’t care that your girlfriend or your wife has to deal with it, surely you would be embarrassed if company came over and saw what a pig you were. You know what it means when you ignore this stuff? It means you think you’re a freaking prince who deserves to take up more space in the world than anybody else, and that you deserve to be waited on hand and foot. You don’t have the bloodline to think you’re such a prince. This is why we can’t get equal-pay laws passed. Because it’s mostly men deciding whether those laws get passed and if we could suddenly get paid the same as you, we could live without you, and you’d be stuck rotting in your own filth.
I’m sorry. The crazy thing is, I love men. But I do not understand this. I have actually witnessed men having the gall to say that their girlfriend or wife wasn’t being a partner. It’s not like a whole lot of YOU get how to be a partner, either.
And what’s even more infuriating, you know what people say when they come over and the place is a pigsty? They will never criticize you. They will think badly of *her*. Yes, even now in the 21st century. She knows this. All women know it. It makes the situation that much worse.
We have better things to do than pick up your socks for you. We have our own jobs, hobbies, occupations, kids to raise, gardens to grow, etc. We don’t have time to be at your beck and call when it’s too much trouble to get the wad of paper into the trash can. Get it yourself.
I do not get why this is so tough to figure out.
This is too funny. Right after my husband and I were married, we were going through this. One day, my parents were on their way over and our apartment was a mess thanks to hubby. I drew a line down the middle of the apartment and threw all of his stuff on his side and said ” fine, you want people to see that you live like a pig, go ahead! Leave it that way!” He ran around and cleaned it all up about 5 minutes before company got there!
Cleaning I can handle. But my BF refuses to throw anything away. He keeps an old broken trash can that doesn’t work, sponges that are covered with grime and mold, even old and rotting cutting boards covered with bacteria. I am seriously grossed out. HE REFUSES TO THROW THE CRAP AWAY AND GET NEW THINGS. Sooooo….I decided to be proactive. I started buying replacements. He is so ridiculous and stubborn that he keeps his old things alongside the new ones I have purchased and tells me that I better not throw his stuff away. He is 50 years old and acts like a 10 year old! I’m ready to move out. And it’s only been three weeks. Is this what all men are like?
Here’s my take on all of the people whining about how their (primarily) boyfriends/husbands and girlfriends/wives who are horrible slobs and blah blah blah. Did you not know them before you moved in with them and/or married them? If you did and they were slobs then or had an uncaring personality prior to this then you married a jackass loser and that’s on you and if it bothers you so much staying with them is too. I don’t hang around with monkeys throwing crap all over the place then yell at the monkey when I get hit with it and don’t even try that “oh he/she wasn’t that way when we were dating” nonsense. In some cases that might be true but in the vast majority of cases common sense says otherwise.
Lets also stop with the long suffering speeches “I work 40 hours a week and then come home and do all the cleaning and cooking and he/she doesn’t do anything.” How many times do you reckon that for every one of these people bellyaching about how they do “all” of the cleaning regarding their significant other leaving clothes on the floor or dishes in the sink couldn’t say the same thing about them regarding taking out the trash or shoveling the driveway? That said there are some people who find themselves in some kind of freak show hoarder filth sort of situation and to them I can sympathize presuming they really weren’t that way before living together and there really weren’t any indications but I can’t honestly believe that this is reality in anything other than the slimest of cases.
As for the idiocy I see some of these (admittedly) old posts advocating like throwing their toothbrush outside because they didn’t put it in the holder…really? I’m going to say without doubt I would much rather live with someone who left their clothes on the floor or didn’t do the dishes as often as I’d like, or never took out the trash or rarely did the laundry than with a nagging harpy or a passive aggressive jerkoff.
Incidentally from a male angle I can say being passive aggressive is the worst damn thing you can do most men would rather be screeched at and have stuff thrown at them than put up with that. I don’t know about women but there it is..I do wonder though, there is something to my mind regarding the people saying “men just don’t care” regarding clutter and the like, maybe that would explain why there are fewer men bitching about “slovenly” women than vice versa? Just a thought.
I don’t have any kids so I won’t speak on that, I have however been in the position of spending more time at our apartment than my girlfriend and thus doing more of the “work,” for awhile…again stop the “Oh the HUMANITY” woah as me complaining. Now I’m not talking about someone leaving food encrusted vermin attracting stuff around the house or wiping their damn ass on their hands or whatever the hell but lets be realistic most of us don’t dust every day, we don’t vaccum every day, we sure as hell don’t do the windows every day; as for the laundry oh hells bells it took me maybe a half hour to an hour every other day depending on how often I did it, during which time I could wash the veritable mountain of dishes that had accumulated since yesterday…on the very worst days I might have two hours worth of work to do (not forgetting of course that half the dishes were mine, I was eating half the food and wearing half the laundry by the way) a couple of days a week for those who don’t have kids I sincerely doubt you’re in a much different situation.
As for the aforementioned crap about leaving his shoes next to the sofa or leaving her toothbrush out of the holder; again we’re not talking about them blowing their nose on the sheets or wearing the same clothes until they have to be cut off. These aren’t issues even worthy of being listed as “slovenly” these are pet peeves and if your significant other has to listen to you gripe and complain or worse yet put up with some passive aggressive nonsense for who knows how long then I’m willing to say that they are the ones who are getting the worst of it not you.
Now I’ll admit that I’m not the worlds cleanest guy, I readily admit to clutter ie a stack of notebooks with some mail thrown in and a few books for the hell of it taking up a corner of my desk and what not and personally I loathe bothering with dishes that someone couldn’t at least rinse off when they put it in the sink but thankfully I don’t have to deal with that. What I do have to deal with is my girlfriend hanging stockings and bras all over the bathroom, leaving her underwear and what not on the floor next to the hamper and a small multitude of similar little quirks.
In the end however she’s also out of my damn league looks wise, is very intelligent, has a cute little hiccup thing she does when she laughs that makes me smile, plays video games with the best of the guys and is loads of fun to fool around with.
If I was to ignore all that and grouse because I have to pick her clothes up off the floor, do all the car maintenance, take out the trash or can’t reach out of the shower without knocking a half a dozen bras on the floor when I’m trying to get a towel off the rack, have little space on the bathroom counter or do the laundry a little more than I like then I would be a whiner and wouldn’t deserve such a generally all around great woman in the first place…a few extra hours of negative crap a week for a whole hell of a lot of positive is well worth it to me and if it isn’t to you or the ratio is skewed for you then again remaining in that relationship is on you so deal with it or get out of it but don’t be a nag, or treat them like children, or be passive aggressive and try and use the justification that “if they’d just do what I want then I wouldn’t be doing this” because that is a lousy justification for your own behavior that is every bit as bad as theirs.
Also Dana, are you implying that if we get some more women centric, reverse sexism laws passed that people like you will stop whining about how hard you have it because all of us men would gladly take one for the team if that was the case. I for one don’t know how live with myself if all of the women decided they could live without men, why I wouldn’t be able to feed myself, clothe myself and would be plague ridden by the end of a month…sexist much? Mouthing off about “Princes” is also pretty funny because lord knows there aren’t any Princesses to be found stomping around the western world right?
I dunno… my standard response is recycle a pair… if it’s not in the basket I don’t wash it and if you want me to throw the bag of garbage at you well then don’t listen when I ask. I do way too many jobs to be ignored when I ask you to take the trash out. I live with 4 boys (1 grown I think) and they really are SLOBS. They are okay with clutter, never vacuuming as long as the shopping is done and there is food they are good.
I hope my future daughter in laws (if I am lucky) forgive me for their messy ways and realize I have been saying pick up your underwear so much that I developed the “Not in the basket no washing available”
That being said… they make me laugh and they are my biggest fans
Men and women are just as bad as each other. And, for the record, ladies…
1. These tips were probably meant as a joke.
2. Withhold sex and food and you’re just stabbing yourself in the back; he’ll probably go elsewhere.
3. Go easy on the nagging and he’ll be more likely to help out.
And, for the record, if you can’t see the qualities that made you want to be with him through his bad habits, why are you still together? You have bad habits too, and poor qualities – all humans do – and he looks past them. Why can’t you do the same?
My hubby can be really messy… I can too… That’s life!
Grow up and deal with it already!
And, most importantly… COMMUNICATE!
Why is this all about men? I have this problem with my wife and now my sister in law who is staying with us. I need some help for the reverse problem.
Wow, i wish my wife were that nice. I come home to a smile turned upside down everyday. I get yelled at for not making enough money (i make 94k a year in Texas). I get yelled for not doing anything right, not caring about her, etc. If I were to ask “what do you want me to do to show I care?”, then I get yelled at some more because I should “just know how to care”. Wow a woman that cooks meals? That sounds like my childhood. My wife never makes me any food, or washes my clothes, or “lets” me drive my own car to work. I have to do it all myself. The only reason Im around is to be able to spend more time with the kids. LIFE SUCKS. I have to walk or ride a bike 10 miles round trip everyday rain/shine to go to work. Often just sleep outside or at work because the “wife” wont stop yelling at me for some reason. Calling me non-stop at work, makes it very hard to focus on working. Move all across the country to make her happy. NOTHING MAKES HER HAPPY. She talks about having sex with other guys, at least once a week. We don’t have sex, she doesn’t make me any meals, she wont let me use anything in the house that requires electricity, or uses money in any way. If I do then she freaks out like someone died. I wish I had a woman that cooked me a meal. Id be very appreciative.
Loved the article and all the comments.
I read through how inept these men are and I wonder if they are so incapable, how do they manage to hold down jobs at all? Try “I forgot” at work multiple times and they would be fired, same with doing something and messing it up so they don’t have to do it again. They would be fired.
So don’t believe all this men’s psyche, can only focus on one task rubbish.
The real reason is they don’t want to do it. They want you to do it. So they will play every game to get you to be quiet and do it. It is just disrespect and selfishness on their part.
My wife nagged me all the time about not helping clean up, even though I always did the snow shoveling, the garbage the lawn mowing, the raking, etc. Even though I worked all week and she only worked weekends. I told her I might be more interested in helping if she put on a french maid costume while we cleaned once in a while –or woke me up with a b.j. or something. Never happened. I could never do enough to please her, and she never did anything that I considered important. She witheld sex, so I got a steady stream of eager younger, hotter volunteers. Now she is my EX, and I live in my own filth elsewhere in peace, she admitted that the house got just as dirty after I moved out…then she admitted she never realized how much yard work and fixing I did. She hired a maid and a kid to do the lawn work, and a handyman to fix things. She’s still miserable.
The happiest time of our marriage was when she worked full time at night, and I ‘d clean up a bit as soon as she left, and then I ‘d go to my mistress(es) house(s) and have lots of sex and good times, and make dirty dishes there, and mess up their beds or go out to eat or … So I never stayed home long enough to make a dish dirty or mess up the bed. I did the laundry & put mine away and hers & I loosened the already made bed ( I could never make it as tight and perfect as hers.) and she was nicer to me than any other time in the marriage. I will repeat this, to stress the importance: My wife and I were happiest when I was never home to make a mess, cleaned quickly as soon as she left and then went to my mistress.